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December 27
Well now....Good morning th' second day after Christmas to y'all.....Hope y'all had as gooda blessed day as we did now here in Greasy Corner......
First th' weather r'port....Wowee! Is it ever icy out there this mornin'.....Fer quite a while there I wuz purty durn sure I wern't gona make it.....be'tix the ice on th' ground en th' wind in muh face....every time I took one step forward I took two steps back....finially I jes decide t' give it up en head back home.....short time later th' wind changed directions en next thang I knows is I wuz here at th' tower anyhow.......
After meetin' ol' St Nick hisself down at Hudsucker's five and dime las' week en tellin' him real personal lak I wanted them Lincoln logs I jes couldn't hardly wait t' get em out...I tell ya folks I wuz so nervous I though I wuz gona wet muhself....en I wuzn't 'bout to take a trip outside to th' john in this cold...Muh younest son, 6 7/8, hands me a package en I shakes it real hard....en nutin'....no rattle er nutin'... So I smiles at
everybody wid muh big toothy grin en I puts it down en picks up another present...this one here from muh oldest son Fayrow....I shakes it en it don't rattle nun so I gets the feelin' rat away this here ain't gona be them logs either....I set that one rat back down en picks up t'other package from muh wife en shake it....Hot darn...This here must be it 'cause it rattles real good...I open it up en I swaer to ya folks .Ah jes don't have all them fancy words t' d'scribe the feelings of gloom I got .....I mean...yew go through all of the 'motion of opening up a wrapped present jes' knowin' that ya finially got them Lincoln Logs ya always wanted en when th' purty paper finally comes loose what ja got here is a
box with a pitcher of a real ugly dude that looks a lot lak yer brother in law only it has green weeds fer hair......I mean t' tell ya folks....it'll take yer breath away fer sure.....Wonder if'n that goo youse s'pose t' put on that clay head would dew enythang fer th' shiny spot on my haid....I'll haf t' ponder that one fer awhile....
Well that 'snuff 'bout me...Let's git on with th' noose....Wail fer a while there on Christmas eve nite th' whole town wuz a buzzin 'bout a report that sum devine intervention had a'curred that would make the place a mecca fer pilgrims th' world over....I wuz a sitin' in muh easy chair....a watching the TV fer up dates on the progress of the bearded gent hisself...yew know...that pitcher they show on TV every half hour a
showin' ya jes where he is a the moment?...Wail enyways...Whilst I'm a waitin' the dadburn phone rings en it's Ol Bubba from down at the gas station a blabblin' 'bout some spirit from past bible history has miraculously come to town on Christmas Eve....Everybody in town musta been listenin' in on my party line 'cause when I gets down there theys th' biggest crowd I've seen since the time the firemen had t' spend two
hours a chislin' Gomer Pulp's tongue off'en the frozen light pole.... Anyhow...when I gits down there there's this crowd a gathered all around this here gal, who I ain't never seen afore in muh life... She's a leaning again a big ol bus that's a gittin' gas up ....she's aposing fer the folks with cameras....theys a bowing at her feet, theys a gittin' autygraphs
en a callin 'out her name...I mean these folks wuz really worshipping the ground she wuz a standin' on.....I asked Officer Ploolie what the big fuss is all 'bout....En he even believes that this here gal is who she claims t' be..... I swear folks sometimes I think that at certain times of th' year enybody who wanted to cud jes walk rat int' town en say he wuz
the Easter Bunny en all these fools would start lookin' fer hidden eggs.....Actually...Now that I think back a spell...That did happen once....I Remember 'cause I found four of em unner a hen out b'hind th' hardware store...But enyhow....This time wuz ridiculous the ways them folks wuz a makin' a fuss all over this here impostor....As a prize winnin'
r'porter I weren't gona have no part of it en I'm ashamed of muh fella townfolks.... Eny body who'd believe that some l'il ol blond gal with a wart th' size of a quarter on her face en who wuz a wearin' tin funnels over her breast was the emaculate Madonna is lakly to believe enythang....I left en went home t' watch fer Santa.....
EDDYTOIALS
One o' th' gifts I found in muh Christmas stockin' wuz a ticket t' go t' th' movie house en see th' historical documentry called Apollo 13.......As a bit of a history buff this here wuz th' ultimate thrill fer me.....History is muh thang....most every sadderday nite me en some of th' oudder good ol' boys sit 'round th' stove down at th' store en we disscuss th' leesons o' th' past...usually 'bout th' civil war en how we'd a dun it different......'course sum of the boys tends t' thank that th' war ain't over with yet en when
General Lee surrendered he wuz a speakin' fer his own self.... Anyhow... 'bout this here Apollo thang...I can't believe them goverment folks with all their smarts cudda made sech a big mistake with that thang....I mean they goes en spends a whole big bunch o money t' build the rocket...they goes t' all the work a planning th' trip en then what do they do???? They goes en hires th' same guy that wuz in thet Forrest Gump movie t' fly th' blame thang......I suspects th' results was pr'dict'ble........
PERSONALS COLUMN
T' thet l'il ol' man who was so lively en quick en et muh cookies th' utter nite......Please come back soons as ya kin......I got sum cookies ya didn't git....... Missy Watkins
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