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December 4 ,
G'Mornin' all....
Herman Fly here from up on th' tower where th' whole world can look up t' me en I kin squirt down on them.......
Well Glory be folks looks lak Greasy Corner is gonna git itself put rat square in the eye of th' world.....Las' nite this here reporter wuz doin' dinner down at Sal's Rib Room when I happen t' see another 'porter come in t' th' joint that I rec'nized as being from a big paper up in Wershinton D.C. I rec'nized 'er 'cause she wuz here th' time Prez Clinton came t' town when he wuz campaignin' afore he wuz 'elected President of
th' 'nited States of 'merica....Y'all 'member that time...he wuz th' one that got that there food poisonin' out at the founder's day cel'bration en all them gov'ment 'ficcials come t' town t' make such a big deal outta it......I writ th' ed'toial th' next day s'plaining that if'n at leas' 10 er 12 people didn't git food poinsonin' at our yearly cel'bration then we'd figure everyone wuz on a diet er sumthin'....... Enyhow...I goes up th' this here 'porter from D.C. and stuck muh hand straight out en says "Hi ya Connie...Good t' see ya 'gain." Of all the ungrateful people I ever met I s'pect she takes th' cake. She says t' me...."Do I know yew?" (can't belive how a lady from th' orient can have a yankee accent lak
her)....It t'was 'barrassing fer me...I...in a chilly tone of voice reminded her jus' who I wuz....I says..."Perhaps ya don't 'member me Ms Chung but I wuz th' one that took yer britches down t' th' laudra' mat after Fayrow ax'dently squirted ya with th' katchep bottle when Clinton wuz here.....even took th' 2 quarters it cost from muh own pocket..." Durn
that gal's got a temper.....she wuz mad.....she let out a scream so loud I swear that if'n she had been at th' county fair she'd a won the hollering contest hands down...never seen a lady from China with a face the color of a 'mater afore.....After a bit she settled down an tol me she wuz mad 'cause of sumin' I said at th' time.....the washin' had dun shrunk
her britches and...(this here's th' part I don't 'member 'cause I had been drinkin' a bit) she says that when she made mention of that fact rat after it happened I said that if' she wuz t' lose a li'l weight in th' hips they'd problee fit jus' rat".....
Anyhow back to th' news scoop of th' day....Seems all th' fuss has to due with that there toe them doctors dun sewed back on 'Ol Ernie Cornrakers foot....The 'tachment of this thang has got all the doctors in the world a lookin'. I s'pose that's good news fer Greasy Corner....seein' hows we gonna git a lot of publicity en all.....but the news ain't so good fer 'Ol Ernie...Seems them fireman made a bit of a boo boo when they went t' th' scene and gathered 'Ol Ernie up en hauled im off t' the Docs....they gave th' doc what they though wuz the severed toe en they sewed it back on......come t' find out it twern't th' toe at all....during
the facus b'twix th' turkey and Ernie, not only did Ernie lose th' little toe on th' left foot but the bird also had that there little thang that hangs down off'en his beak cut off.....that there is what th' docs sewed back on Ernie ....The docs report that although th' thang seems t' be growing jus' fine they's most lakly gona haft t' remove it fer three reasons.
.1..It don't look good fer a black man t' have one pink toe that won't most lakly grow no nail (Ah think I made mention to that las' week)
2. Th' docs is worried 'bout his body r'jectin' th' thang.....and
3. 'Ol Ernies a starting t' grow pin feathers on th' back o' his
neck.....When he heared they wuz gona cut it off 'ol Ernie jumped outta bed en locked his self in th' bathroom......Say's he ain't saying nutin' 'till he talks t' Jonnie Crochran and sees if this is sumthin' that Oprah might wanna talk 'bout. I have th' durnest urge t' make a remark here 'bout how Ol Ernie could most likely do th' Turkey Trot real good down at th' hoedown next week but I best not be makin' fun of th' sit'geeation'
EDITORIAL/OPINIONS
Ya know folks county 'lections is a coming up here afore to much longer en I'm a begining t' think that there is a gona have t' be sum real serious changes made this time. The changes I'm a talkin' 'bout here is mostly directed at th' school board. Everyone here 'bouts knows that I've a muh share of run in's with th' board a time er two, mostly on th' topic of sex education en how I feels if'n yer gona teach a kid how t' drive ya puts
em a car.....So's if'n yer gona teach em sex education en one of th' kids wuz t' bring t' school a steamy XXX rated photygraph fer show en tell t' give a pitcher t' th' other kids of jus' what th' teacher wuz a tryin' t' s'plain....What's th' problem?....okay so's the pitcher wuz shot without either th' preacher's permission er that purty l'il thang he had out
behind th' pie eatin' contest tent down at th' county fair las year....Shoot t'wan't nobody cud see their faces er nutin' .....leas' ways I don't 'member seeing any faces when I looked at it....En I ain't a pickin' no fights with th' school board jus because it t'wuz muh own son that brung th' pitcher t' school en got his butt kicked out over it.....But now's they dun gone en crossed the line...they's a corruptin' my grand kids with their new
fangled notions en s'nuff's is a s'nuff...The other day muh 12 year old grandson, who j1us happens t' be th' apple of muh eye (enybody know what that means? Does it mean ya got hit in th' eye with n' apple er ya jus' got a good eye fer apples?) Enyhow when muh 12 year old grandson come home from th' second grade class I asks him what it wuz
he lernt in school t'day. He proudly reared his shoulders back en annouces, "Pie are square!" Well if that jus' 'bout ain't th' durnest than' I ever did hear......Why his grandma woulda' been a rolling over in her grave...'septin' she ain't dead yet.....Betcha it took me th' better part of en hour, plus time in the kitchen doin' sum baking t' demonstrate t' him that that there teacher wuz a lyin' You'd think that them school board folks would know better than t' hire a fool teacher that thinks Pie are
square....Heck everybody knows that it's Cornbread that are square..... Pie are round......Most likely it wuz one of them durn new yankee teacher's they hired las' year.....
Til next week folks, ya'll have a good en.
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