November 22
Morning ya'all,
This here's Herman Fly ('Ol Dirty Shirt) , 'ward winning riter fer th' Greasy
Corner Hertiage Gazette a coming t' ya from muh office high up in th' towers of the tallest structure (water tank) in beaut'ful down town Greasy Corner Ark. Th' first thang I'd lak t' point out is this......Damn it's cold up chear!!! so' s if'n muh riten ain't so good this mornin' it's 'cause muh fingers is cold....Most folks 'round chear never cud figure out
why I put muh office up here, (they think I'm a bit daft), well actually ain't really no office, jus' muh desk en chair, well I does have a couple walls, to keep th' wind off'en muh BVD's, well..don't know if'n you cud call them walls, kinda looks lak a duck blind...but anyhow all them folks down there don't know what they's missing, From here ya can look over th' whole town, WOW! what a view.....I can even see the lite lit down
at Bubba's gas station....Course th' biggest thrill comes later on when I can watch th' sunrise as it comes up b'hind th' hardware store.... Wail...'enough 'bout me...let's get t' th' mornings news...
Happy t' report that 'Ol Ernie Cornrake wuz taken off'en th' serious list down at the doc's office this early this morn.....Fer those of you who didn't chase th' fire trucks yest'day afternoon and seen the sit'ation first hand I'll give ya th' d'tails....Most of ya 'member "Ol Ernest was a braggin' all year 'bout he wuz a growin' the biggest turkey the
whole blame County has ever seen fer the Thanksgiven meal....Yew know that wuz th' Tom that would hide behind th' dumpster down on main street and chase cars??? Yep...The same one that run into off'cer Plooies 'trol car en cause 'im t' wreck into the side of Jakes taxidermy shop en funeral home and busted th' horns clean off'en Waldo's prize deer head....Well anyhow....yest'day O'Ernie decided that t'was time to harvest his bird fer th' upcomin' big day....Now y'all know that's a purty durn big mean bird but "Ol Ernie figured t'wern't nuthin' he couldn't handle his ownself....This here 'porter don't know th' whole story....'cause I wuz'nt there.....but 'parently "Ol Ernie located th' bird back 'hind widow Horn's house en commenced t' chase 'im around her fenced in yard...Y'all member she put up a fence last year 't keep th' drunks from a comin' outta Wades Bar
next door en relieving themselves in her cabbage patch....anyway 'parently near as this 'porter can tell.... after giting chased 'round the yard fer a spell the Turkey run into the dog house back in the corner of th' lot....y'all 'might member the sad incident involving Widow Hawkin's dog en that Korean resturant that move t' town las' year en with th' strange tastin' meat on th' menu.... Well folks...this here's where this reporter does th' editorial an 'pinion part.......Ya know...."Ol Earnie never was a real smart guy...Ah mean he is th' one that a few years back built that there big ol boat that looked lak Noah's Ark en when he run outta wood decided t' leave the bottom out 'cause he figuered no body ever saw that part of a boat anyhow....Well alright...I conceed that could be called an over sight....but durn...t' crawl head first into a 2 foot by 2 foot dog house...with a hatchet in yer hand with a 40 pound turkey whose
knowed by all t' have a bad attitude....that's really dumb......Can't quite put t'gether all that followed fer sure but we know this....by the time the fire department got there, th' dog house wuz scattered all over th' yard.......'Ol Ernie had more scratches on 'im than the door posts in a house full o' tom cats had 'em a busted jaw and wuz missing the
front of one shoe en his little toe on that foot....en the turkey wuz back down town hiding behind th' dumpster waitin' fer th' fire truck t' come back so's he could chase it back t' the garage.....Looks lak "ol Ernie's gona be sucking juice through that gap in his mouth whar that tooth wuz that that Fayrow knocked out last year use t' be 'stead of chewing th' turkey....Maybe Christmas Ernie...Get well soon.....
Well guess that's 'bout all t' 'port on rat now folks....Gona sit up here fer 'while en try t' shoot a duck ...then I'll go down an' do a follow-up on that 'plosion en fire that 'curred yes'day when the lit cherry bomb them boys throwed down the potty at school made it all the way down t' th' sewerage treatment plant...
This here's Herman Fly.......signin' off
PERSONALS COLUMN
Fine Southern gentleman iso fine Southern lady with boat--goal--lasting relationship---
Please send picture.....of boat en eny fish yew claim yew caught..
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