Date: That same Sunday
Hey -
I'm sorry. I thought I was more clear when I said I thought it would be a good idea if we date other people. I don't mean to sound harsh. I have spent the last couple weekends doing next to nothing outside of hanging out with my friends. I am not actively pursuing dating anyone else. If an opportunity presented itself, however, I would probably go for it. I
also hope that I have not been "stringing you on" by anything I have said. Because the truth is, I don't know where I'll be, or what I'll be thinking six months from now. Perhaps something will just one day click in my mind and I'll come to you and beg for your forgiveness. And maybe at that time, you will have already met someone. Or you'll tell me to get lost, and that I had my chance. And if so, that's my bad. I am asking you
right now to date other people. I want you to act as if there is
little prospect of us getting back together, because I cannot promise you anything.
Also, please do not get the impression that in my mind you are my
backup plan if things don't work out elsewhere. That's not how I view this at all. I see the progression of our relationship so far, and it basically comes down to this-- we are now sophomores in college, and we'd been going out a year and a half. Whether through an observers eyes, or our own, the question of marriage has become a prevalent one. And at this point I should at least have some confidence in us. And in this relationship, in between all the good times that we've shared, I can see some serious problems, that if we should decide to take the next
step, would only be seriously multiplied. And to me, it was getting to a point in my mind that it was a necessity for me to have a peace of mind about our relationship, or there is little point in moving on -- it will only make things worse in the long run.
This may sound like the "classic cold feet scenario" -- or whatever you want to call it. If I was ready to take that next step, then we would definitely want to work through these differences. And not that we shouldn't anyway. But the uncertainty in my mind was large enough that doing so would seem as merely candy coating the situation.
Again, the last thing that I wanted was to hurt you.
I'm sorry that I have hurt you. I hope at some point you will be
able to understand what's going on in my head. I'm sorry that this happened. I'm sorry that this happened like this.
I feel like I have so much more to say, but can't quite express it.
I don't know...
If you want me take you back to Wayne I will. The thing about your family -- I don't know what I was trying to say there. But apparently Candice wants to kill me (at least that's what was said to my sister), and besides that... I don't know what I'm saying.
Whatever. I wish I could fully express what I'm trying to say.
Again, sorry-
Dan
From: Dan
Subject: Re: Hi
To: Me