| Ghost Shit |
You know you've had a shit. There are remains on the toilet paper, but there's nothing floating in the toilet bowl |
| Teflon Shit |
Comes out so slick, clean and easy that you don't even feel it. No traces of shit remain on the toilet paper and you have to check the bowl to make sure you've done it |
| Gooey Shit |
This shit has the consistency of hot tar. You wipe your arse 12 times and it still won't come clean. You end up putting toilet paper in your grundies to stop the skid marks. This type of shit leaves permanent skid marks on the bowl |
| Second Thought Shit |
You're all done wiping your arse and start to stand up, when you realise you've got some more coming |
| Pop a Vein in Your Head Shit |
This is the kind of shit that killed Elvis Presley. It doesn't want to come out until you're all sweaty, trembling and purple from the strain of trying to shit |
| Mick Mullage Shit |
You shit so much you lose 10 kilos |
| Green Shit |
Comes the day after eating a big spinach salad |
| Right Now Shit |
You'd better be within 20 seconds of a toilet. Usually has its head out before your pants are down |
| King Kong Shit |
This shit is so huge that it must be broken down into smaller chunks to get it to flush away. This shit is usually best done at someone else's house |
| Cork Shit (Floaters) |
Even after the third flush, this shit is still floating around the bowl. This shit usually happens at someone else's house |
| Wet Cheeks Shit |
This shit enters the water sideways and splashes water back up to soak your arse |
| Wish Shit |
You sit on the bog all cramped up and fart several times but no shit. Similar to Pop a Vein Shit |
| Snake Shit |
Usually soft, round as your thumb and at least three feet long |
| Mexican Food Shit |
You know it's OK to eat again after your shit stops burning. Usually known to start revolutions with their smell |
| Morning After Shit |
This shit usually happens after a big night out on the piss. Normally your shit doesn't smell too bad but this shit is really bad. Usually there's someone waiting outside to use the bathroom. This shit is better done at somebody else's place so fuck off and don't do it at mine |
| The Yule Log |
As the name suggests, this poo is so big that it won't go down the bog unless you break it into smaller chunks! |
| The Big Bang Poo |
Watch out for this one - it feels like your arse is going to explode like a Christmas cracker, so you'd better get to a toilet quick! |
| The Christmas Pud Poo |
There's no mistaking this one - it's black, hard and shoots out like a bullet! |
| The Brussel Sprouter |
This often happens on Boxing Day - normally your poo doesn't smell too bad, but this poo is BAAAAD! Usually there's someone waiting outside to use the bog! |
| The Ghost of Christmas Past Poo |
You know you've pooed, there's poo on the toilet paper but there's no poo in the toilet (where the hell did it go?) |
