February 18, 2002

The Adventures of Paisley Blue Am I the one who said she was eternally optimistic? Well, the last few days have shown me that my instincts were correct, as much as I tried to fight against them, hide in denial, and then very quietly admit it to myself. I do not have a lot of time to write in my journal today so I will keep it brief. I do want to remember the events of the last few days, and with my memory being so bad, if I do not record it soon, the memories and feelings will float away into the ether. Saturday was the Coronation Event at a fancy new hotel downtown. I had been bound and determined to not spend my extra monthly check on jewelry and I'll be damned if Michael didn't find a way to talk me into it anyway. The good news is, though, that I got some fabulous jewelry out of it -- not just him. Mechanic actually saw the set that I ended up purchasing. It's not overly gaudy, and actually very intricate and delicate, which Mechanic said suited me and my petite femininity quite well. That evening I wore my short "little black dress" as Michael had ruined my floor length black dress. Over the dress I wore the reddish metallic wrap that was originally purchased for the Everett Coronation. I wore elbow length black gloves with two rings, one on each hand. Michael had tried to do up my hair and it looked like something out of a scary Tim Burton movie. Mechanic came behind him and did what he could, making me look presentable. Many, many people came up to me and complimented me on my jewelry, and saying that I just "shined" and "sparkled" that evening. It felt good to hear this. The mundane guests of the hotel would sometimes just stop and stare at all the drag queens and other court members. Really, you only see spectacles like this on television or in the movies, hardly ever in real life. I mean, you would have thought this was Oscar night for all the fur and jewels and long gowns that were everywhere. I was even given the honor of walking with the United Ebony Council as a Friend of the Court. That means my name was called and I walked up the aisle, made a curtsey to Empress Jose who founded the international gay court system, walked up the stage and down the catwalk where the Emperor Rainier and Empress Olympia greeted me and gave me a commemorative pin, then I turned to my left and stood at the side of the stage as the rest of the court was introduced. First on also means last off, but one of the men who came onstage shortly after me escorted me down the catwalk and allowed me to descend the stairs before him. After that wonderful experience, we went to the Sea Wolf where some of the others ended up as well. Mechanic and I drank water and talked while Michael, in drag, sat with other queens and drank and laughed and had fun. Michael then brought me over most of his double 151 and Coke and ordered me to suck. About 5 minutes after I finished that one, he brought me another but it was so strong I'd swear it was more like a triple 151 and Coke. By the time we left the bar about 15 minutes later, I was so very intoxicated. Well, apparently Michael was too -- thank goodness Mechanic was driving! Once home, Michael threw off the drag stuff and was in a bad mood. He threw a shot glass at the window, trying to aim it out where the window was open but missed, and threw it through the window instead. This scared me, and seeing that he had scared me just pissed Michael off. He started yelling at me, and I guess all those times where people have told me to stand up for myself finally came through, because I yelled, "F**k you!" and stormed off to the bathroom. I sat on the floor with my back to the door, thinking and trying to calm down, trying to not be so scared. I knew it was better to stay in the apartment than to leave -- that's why I went in there. But Michael was so upset he banged on the door and told me to open it up. I said no, and then he started kicking it and ramming it with his shoulder or something. The end result is that he gave me a concussion from that... then once he burst in he yelled in my face that he was going to choke me to death. I was terrified but also felt that I was once again at that point where I had nothing left to lose... so I yelled back that he was not going to do that. In nanoseconds Mechanic was there, actually standing behind me in the bathtub. From the extra inches of standing in the tub, I'm sure it appeared that he loomed up behind me... and Michael backed off. Later, Mechanic told me that he would never let Michael hurt me again, and as soon as possible, we will be making some sort of changes to our life... so I can be safe. In the meantime, he swore to never leave me alone with Michael again. Sunday evening I got carted off to the emergency room in an ambulance for chest pains which the doctor says are stress related. I ended up getting an injection of major pain killers and sent home. I joked with Mechanic "I'm not under any stress." Yeah, right. ~Paisley Blue

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