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Paisley's Journal
April 30, 2002 |
The Adventures of Paisley
Blue
Shortly after I finished typing that last entry and saved it online, Mechanic came up to me at the computer desk, sat behind me on the same chair I was on, and read it. I felt a combination of things... the thrill of being so close to him, of course; shy and nervous; excited and hopeful; and brave. I felt like it took a lot of courage to be honest in my journal and then sit there while he read my words over my shoulder.
We haven't really had a lot of time alone since then - a stolen second here and there - because we are constantly surrounded by people. However, he has been very attentive and affectionate and my confidence has soared. My heart nearly sings with happiness, although I still feel some confusion about expressing it when Red's around.
Late last night Mechanic, Red, and I were sitting around talking and Mechanic, in his words, told his "life story." He related details of his eight year relationship with his ex-wife, his ideas of what was good and what was not, what could have been done different and how their goals and choices finally separated them. I feel like it helped me understand some things about him a lot better and also felt extremely honored that he shared so much about himself.
He asked us afterwards if he had scared us away. Far from it. The only thing I wonder about is when he says things like that, and talks about taking Red to California, and makes statements that indicate Red will be around in the far future ("Wait til you see...") if that means that Mechanic is falling in love with Red. It's not something that I would ask him unless we were alone, though, and we haven't had five minutes alone together in days.
Yesterday I started with a new counselor-therapist. She's from Shreveport, Louisiana, and recognized a sisterly Southern accent. I immediately felt at ease with her. She had good eye contact, seemed sympathetic and friendly, and exhibited a fund of information sufficient to make me feel that we are on the same level, and will be able to communicate well together. Those are important qualities to me. So... she needs a nickname, but I don't know yet what it will be.
For a short time yesterday Mechanic and Red were at my office last night while I finished up some tasks. I was showing Mechanic some of the things I do in the regular course of my routine. He had some definite ideas about what was wrong with the way we process business card invoices and gave me suggestions on how to change the system. It was a very big pleasure to discuss business with him. He's so smart and has interesting ideas that I had not thought of - and yet he also listens to me and we just sorta exchange these ideas, work on them, grow them... it made me feel very comfortable with the business project we are working on. Knowing that we relate so well on a professional level is a good thing.
Lying next to him in bed is also a good thing. :-)
I hope Saturday takes a long, long time to get here. That's when Michael is expected back. It's real peaceful at home right now...
~Paisley Blue
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