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Paisley's Journal
May 22, 2002 |
The Adventures of Paisley
Blue
It's been a long time since I've written, eh? Part of the problem is that half the time I haven't been well, and the other half the time I've been very busy making up for the time that I was not feeling well. However, I am doing good right now and that is what counts, right?
Mechanic and I have been working out, and I am not competing with him or anyone else, only myself. I try to push myself a little each time I go, but not so much that I would be in misery and pain for the next three days. Of course, he works out longer and harder than I do but he had a head start with already being a muscular dude. My main goal is to become healthier and I am sure that losing weight will come as a natural side effect. I want to be stronger and have more energy and have more endurance. At the next payday I plan to get a swimsuit so I can take advantage of the pool, jacuzzi, and sauna. Woohoo!
There have been some interesting phone and internet conversations going on but I won't go into too many details about those. Let's just say that my social life continues to be interesting, amusing, sometimes wistful, and always always the stuff soap operas are made of. LOL
Maybe part of my absence from writing in my journal stems from the fun I'm having with Mechanic. Every day is certainly an adventure. He always manages to surprise me, to catch me off guard, and to fill my heart with smiles.
There are still times when I get depressed, and times when I think I'm going crazy, but I am very motivated to make those times fewer and further between. I am really trying hard to remember my medicine. I am also trying hard to remember to smile and show my happy feelings.
Okay, so why should a person have to remember to do those things? Well, even when I am feeling good and happy inside, there are those little voices inside trying to tell me, in different ways, that I am not happy or that things are not as I perceive them. Lately, though, they seem to have stopped their constant insistence that I hurt myself, and anyone would agree, that's a good thing.
I guess to me the amazing thing is that I can still be happy in spite of that happening inside me. This morning when I woke up there was a handwritten note propped up in front of the bathroom mirror from Mechanic. When I saw that, my heart lightened and a big smile came across my face, and my entire morning routine seemed full of sunshine - it flew by! I even put on jewelry AND makeup this morning.
If I had one wish, it would be that I was not so tired when I got off work each day so Mechanic could see how happy and smiling I am like I've been this morning. This is a goal I can work on, though.
Well, back to the grind...
~Paisley Blue
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