It's a nice mellow Sunday evening and I am listening to 80's music on the cable music station. Mechanic is out on the hill with a friend he has recently run into again after not seeing each other for about 6 or 7 years. The apartment is clean and comfortable which always helps make a person feel good. It just felt like a good time to pull out my journal and write.

Yesterday was the party at Wisdom's house. He said a lot of people who were invited did not show for one reason or another but there was still a shortage of chairs. It was a birthday party for one of the guys and there was lots of goodies. Wisdom made three different kinds of Jello shots - orange vodka, green vodka, and orange whiskey. I tried the green and the whiskey and they were both good.

We contributed a 2-liter of Vanilla Coke and a bottle of Apfel schnapps. Of course we had the requisite Uno game going and it was a blast. Hands tended to last for hours. Overall I believe Mechanic and I were there for about five hours. We left when I started getting tired and coughing a lot.

The really sad news is that I learned this was going to be the last Uno party... the last gathering at Wisdom's house. He is moving to Pennsylvania. I feel somewhat devastated by this news. Wisdom is the first person I met in Seattle. He has been there the whole two years I've lived here. He has been a wonderful friend and support to me, especially after CB left a year and a half ago. I really hope we are able to stay in touch with email.

So the party yesterday was especially poignant. I made it a point to look around and try to remember all the wonderful things about Wisdom... like his spider aquarium and the tree that he keeps lit up year round. It's not a Christmas tree - it's just a big branch of a twiggy tree and from the limbs hang things like mutilated Barbies, fake birds, and other fun things. Wisdom has a unique outlook on the world and we have had many long conversations about our beliefs and thoughts on things.

The steroids are helping me to breathe, and that's a good thing. The bad thing is my blood sugars that are jacked up between 350 and 450 which is not only bad, but probably pretty dangerous. At least that is what the doctors would have me believe. I know I feel pretty nauseous and overall just feel real bad. I try to not say too much about it because there's not much anyone can do about it.

I realize that when I see my doctor tomorrow that she's going to want me to start the insulin but I don't see how it will happen. The money is just not there. I'm not trying to stress over it, though. If it's meant to be, a way will be found. If not, I'll get by the best I can. After all, I AM a survivor.

Today I finished reading a book that I've been working my way through for a couple of weeks. It is called To Hell and Back: Life After Death - Startling New Evidence by Maurice S. Rawlings, M.D. He is also the author of Beyond Death's Door.

I originally picked it up because I enjoy reading the 'life after life' type of stories, to see what people have experienced who have died and returned. This guy has an interesting take on things, though. His idea was that most of the stories he'd ever heard were positive, and that just didn't make sense to him. If these experiences are real, they should fit a more realistic pattern that includes both positive and negative experiences.

Well, he certainly found some negative experiences to share, and then gave his opinion about why these types of stories don't make it into most popular literature on the topic. There weren't as many NDE stories as I would have liked and the book has a decidedly Christian fundamentalist flavor. However, it had my full attention all the way through and it's given me lots of food for thought.

I don't think it's all bad to think about death, either. Some people might think it's a macabre depressing topic, but it's a part of life. We're all dying - some of us will do it sooner than others. That's all. I think at some point or other every human being wonders what's on the 'other side.' This guy makes some very good points about it all.

I am looking forward to going to work tomorrow. I know I've got lots of work stacked up and I've missed some deadlines that need to be caught up on as quickly as possible. I just love going to work, though, and feeling like the things I do make a positive difference in the world.

Last night I shared something with Mechanic that I haven't talked much about. I've been thinking about getting involved somewhere as a volunteer... something different than feeding the homeless. On and off I've been doing that for nearly two years and I'd like to try something else. Now that I know Wisdom is leaving, I'm even more interested in putting my energies somewhere else for a while. Wisdom's involvement in one of the local 'feed the homeless' organizations was what got me into it. Working with him is what kept me going back to that particular place. With him gone, it won't be the same.

Or maybe I'll just add something else to the list instead of just replacing it, I don't know. Anyway, I have been thinking about doing something along the lines of helping out an agency with webmaster skills, or tutoring children, or maybe even doing some kind of work with seniors or hospice patients. I just don't know yet. I think I need to kind of test the waters somehow and see what I enjoy.

I just want to get involved in something outside myself, outside my personal life... get involved in helping others somehow. Not that I don't do that with work, but at work it is more removed and less personal. I want to do something that directly affects someone and gives me an opportunity to interact with people. I think that would be nice.

And here's the first September 11th scare story I've heard so far this year. A friend of my brother has an aunt who lives in Ohio. She went to a convenience store to put gas in her car. Inside standing in line for the cashier, she was behind a man of Arab descent. He was two dollars short and, being a nice person, she spotted him for it. He left and she paid for her purchase.

When she went outside the man came up to her and said, "You did something nice for me, I'm going to do something nice for you." He then told her that on September 11th she should not drink Coke. Well, apparently the FBI questioned the Aunt and is looking for the man who said this... and my family is taking this very seriously.

Of course, to be safe, it's probably a good idea to not drink any Coke products from now until well after the 11th. But when I shared this story with others, it's been ridiculed and it does sound a lot like an urban legend. After all, which do you avoid -- Coke Classic, Diet Coke, Cherry Coke, Vanilla Coke??? Coke is bottled at different places around the country - are all the plants being targeted or just one?

I don't know any way of verifying this story... so I thought I would just record it in my journal. If we do hear of something horrid happening to Coke drinkers on September 11th, you'll be able to say you read it here first... for what that's worth. If nothing happens, all the better.

My oldest neice has either just turned or about to turn thirteen years old. She's a teenager. Wow. I remember when she was just a couple months old... so small and fragile and sweet. She's still sweet but she's taller than I am. LOL Of course, when you're only five feet tall, just about everone is taller! I wish I lived closer to her so I could spend time with her... I hope she feels the love I have for her. I bought her a beautiful birthday card and I am going to tell her how much I love her and that I hope she enjoys this crazy year ahead of her.

I know it's going to be crazy... I remember being thirteen. Even though it was a couple years ago... LOL My sister is crazy... her oldest turning thirteen and she is thirteen weeks pregnant with her sixth child. Ah well... just another kid for me to shower with love and presents and attention.

Have a good night.

~Paisley Blue