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December
5, 2000
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The Adventures of Paisley
Blue
I
have certainly come into my own a little more, I think. While
CB was gone for a couple of days, I took care of myself
completely. Not only did I get to work on time, and prepare
meals for myself, I also ventured out into the world and
shopped. I spent time at the library, and I also visited with
my friend Wisdom.
This brings me to an interesting
point. I have decided to give my friends nicknames, because I
do not want to refer to them by their real names. Besides,
it's more fun to keep it all a little mysterious this way. I
think Wisdom would get a kick out of knowing that's the
nickname I chose for him, but whether he actually reads this
journal or not, I have no idea. I will keep a running tally of
the nicknames and a small description of the individual on the
About
Paisley page.
Wisdom is planning a Yule party at
his apartment, and invited CB and I. When I discovered that
the planned date of his party coincided with the coven meeting
I was hoping to attend, he graciously offered to move his
party to the day before. It coincides with the first day of
Hannukah, which he said would be perfect because he plans to
light a lot of candles. Well, I know that everytime I have
been to his home, I have had a wonderful time, and I will be
there!
I left work early today, not feeling well, and
mostly that was in my mind. I had a rather disturbing run-in
with a Human Resources person. She confronted me in the middle
of the Call Center floor regarding my request for a code that
would automatically open the door for me. In other words, she
was questioning my handicapped status. Well, shortly after I
began working there I developed the need to use a cane for
walking, which to most people is a fairly obvious sign of some
sort of handicap. I think the only thing more obvious would be
a wheelchair. Despite this, she wanted proof -- she said she
would need to see something "in writing." I told her that with
my understanding, she was not permitted by law to request
this, but I did happen to have a couple items that proved my
disabled status "in writing."
Suddenly she no longer
needed to see it, but gave me this big long-winded explanation
of why she had requested it. I'm not sure if she was trying in
her best manner to apologize or backtrack, but I was not
assuaged. A few minutes later she dropped a Post-It on my desk
with the new code as she walked by. The more I thought about
the incident, the more embarrassed and angry I became. This
started to interfere with my job, but being the person I am, I
need time to dwell on things. to think them out, so I can act
wisely. So I did not just storm into someone's office and
become confrontational on my own.
Then a bit later, on
my break, I found out that a young friend of mine, Scrapper,
has full-blown AIDS. She can't be more than 25, and this just
really knocked the wind out of my sails. She's been living
with the knowledge for many years from the sound of it. That
is, ten years ago she was raped and contracted HIV. Four years
later, about six years ago I guess, she was diagnosed with
AIDS. Oh my god. The more she talked the more I was struck
with feelings of empathy for this young woman, almost to the
point of reaching out and wrapping my arms around her... but I
was so unsure of myself, that I did not do this.
The
whole subject came up because she had told me before my shift
started the reason for her recent absence from work. She first
told me she had checked herself into the mental ward of a
local hospital for one day. Then she told me that she had
taken some heroin that a 'friend' had brought over, who had
declared it 'good stuff.' It turned out to not be so good, and
this friend drove her to the emergency room. At the ER, this
friend told the doctors that Scrapper had taken pills along
with the heroin, so Scrapper's stomach was pumped as well.
Scrapper claims she did not take any pills that night.
However, she has a past history of prescription drug abuse,
and so I guess the doctors did what they thought they needed
to do.
It took a few days for Scrapper to recover from
all this, so in all, she was off work for about a week. Well,
I had in fact missed her, and learning all of this stuff was,
in a way, traumatic to me. I suppose one reason is that I
always put myself in other people's shoes, and these
experiences are just way beyond any experimentation I ever did
with drugs.
Well, when she was sharing the news about
her health with me, she told me that she had never used
needles before she developed AIDS but now that she has it, she
figures there's no danger to her. However, she claims that she
never shares her needles because she doesn't want anyone else
to contract it. I respect that. Immensely.
My mind was
so horrified that this young woman is facing this deadly
disease that I had to know something more about her. I call
her friend, but I don't even know her all that well. So I
asked her what else she liked to do for fun. After thinking a
moment, she said she enjoyed rollerblading, when she has the
energy. After all, this disease does rob a person of strength
at times. This brought to mind a person I knew in Little Rock,
Arkansas, also a drug user. He used marijuana to deaden the
pain from the symptoms he experienced from AIDS.
I
wonder if he is still alive.
These thoughts, and the
experience surrounding the issue of an automatic door swinging
open for me, were just swirling around in my head and it all
became too much. After four hours on the clock, I told them I
had to go.
And now I leave you with these troubled
thoughts, until next time... take care.
~Paisley
Blue | | |
