May 6, 1997
Hard to believe it's May already. Only one more month 'till hurricane season starts, oh boy! I guess we're as ready as we can be. We've got food and water stocked up, lots of matches and batteries. All we need to do is find a charcoal grill. Our gas grill got trashed in Wilma last year. We'll need a grill to cook on once we lose the power. Power outages usually run a week to two weeks depending on the severity of the hurricane. We're still trying to replace all the damage from Wilma last year. I don't think we'll get finished before this season begins. Kinda makes you wonder why you bother.
Lately the neighbors on our street have been repainting their homes. We're supposed to have an architectural committee to approve colors, if we do they're color blind! The people across the street are having their house painted a monkey shit brown...same color as their roof. Very depressing colors. I said to my Mom, the world isn't depressing enough they need a dark brown house? Farther down the street the house is a dark cinnamon color.
One nice thing about hurricane season is the lack of tourists. Kinda like rats leaving a sinking ship. The minute hurricane season nears, they're outta here. The lines at places are now shorter, the traffic is not as bad, and the condos are all boarded up again. Once a week we go to the Ice Cream Club for a cone. Usually the lines are out the door. But lately there's only 1 or 2 people in the place. I love it!
May 18, 1997
There's more to Fibromyalgia than just the pain and fatigue, there's a burning feeling which can be best described as having your skin ripped off....like your body is one gigantic brush burn. That's how my skin always feels. With all that we with Fibromyalgia experience, it's no wonder "we" suffer from depression. Aside from the chemical imbalances that help contribute to depression, we've got this constant, unrelenting pain.
Then there's the treatment we receive from other people. My Mom has always said, you can get used to hanging if you hang long enough. That's what happens to family members and well meaning friends. They see us in pain day in and day out, week after week, month after month, year after year, and eventually it all becomes a blur to them. They've forgotten what it's like to see us happy and well. Our pain and misery is a daily thing for them too, and they become immune to it....like all the killings you read about in the paper...it no longer triggers feelings from them. As the person in pain, you want to lash out at them and scream - "HEY!!! I'm suffering here, please act like you even CARE!!!" - But as human beings, who've seen this all too often, they become immune to us. Even those who mean well can't help it.
That's when the feelings of isolation and depression kick in. You feel like you're all alone in the world because essentially you are, at least in YOUR little world of friends and family. "We" need to reach out to ther FM'ers, if only to prove to ourselves that we aren't alone in the world, there are other people suffering in silence with us. But this can be a tricky thing to do. I've found that if I surround myself with depressing people I just pick up their moods and I'm worse off than I was before. So for self preservation you've got to find people who do more than constantly complain. You need to find people who are emapthetic BUT with a good sense of humor also. People who aren't constantly down. Everyone has their times, me included, but there are some people who will never see the glass as half full instead of half empty. Those are the people you must avoid.
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