Yes, this guide takes a while to download, but, if I didn't have it, there'd be an annoying second browser with an ad!
Realm of the Lady Leonora
Court of your Queen in Calico, where Wisdom Reigns

For your listening and dining pleasure, the
MIDI you hear is "L'Aquarium" by Camille Saint-Saens
First off, may I make it plain that the
absurd creatures that
form the background for this page were the idea of the webmistress
- that is, my adoptive mother (two-legged variety), whom I have
owned since 1993. (She has this passion for the medieval and
fantastic, lacking our practicality, and insensitively forgetting
the sad views of our kind that were in some medieval minds.) I
fully intend to replace it with a border that represents our own kind shortly. Also, I have moved some of my photos to a separate page, to reduce the clutter - but please do visit there before you go, since I am the most beautiful cat in the world.
Mums already has instituted a Crusade for
Class Acts on the Web, and I intend to promote such a cause
among the feline community. Soon, I shall offer my reflections
on what distinguishes us for that blessed commodity, but
please bear with me while Mums devotes her time towards
writing her new medieval musings.
I
also am something of a renaissance kitty. I hold Bachelor's and Master's Degrees from
the CLAW school, and a Doctor of Feline Studies degree in
felinities ( a word I coined, since "humanities" seemed inappropriate.) I also
am a published writer, a patron of the CLAW theatre, a professor of Netscape and Sewing (strange bedfellows!) at the CLAW university, and a teacher
of kittengarten.
My name, I'm sure you will agree, is rather distinctive. Mums,
who was an opera singer before she started in management for
the sake of the bread and butter, named me after the lead
characters in Il Trovatore,
La Forza del Destino, and Fidelio. (Quite a threesome!) My father's
name was Heathcliff McCue and my mother's Fudge, and
my birth name was Kathleen - but
I've born the proud name of Leonora since Mums took me home when
I was seven weeks old. Socially, I am Mrs Lemieux Austin - or,
for those not foolishly over-attached to the notion that
titles for the gentry are passé, Leonora, Lady Lemieux. (You can click here to see our wedding picture.)
I was born the same month as Mums's niece,
Alison. When Alison began to talk, she addressed me as "Nor!",
and Nor I became. One must endure a great deal with children! Of course,
I do have less to put up with than Gloriana does. The kids,
to her eternal dismay, call her "Bibi."
You will ask, where are my current photos? That is a sad tail (excuse me,
tale). Though there are a few in my photo album, Mums still has no scanner, and must trek to a friend's house
to have one of my photos turned into a GIF or JPG. Secretly, I
think that she lags too much, harping on unicorns, gryphons,
the wee folk and
such when she has twelve pounds of gorgeous calico on her lap.
Most snaps here are kitten pictures,
since (though she's loath to admit it), Mums wasn't too delighted
when I turned out to be a BBW like herself.
I came to her in early kittenhood, endured the indignities of
being
stripped of my claws (and a few other personal effects), then
settled into a reign which is quite satisfying, and in which my
lady in waiting,
Gloriana, indulges my every whim.
I am a beautiful, regal calico, who accompanies all her words
with an aristocratic turn of the paw. Some of the chief
pleasures of my life are tuna, chicken treats, sunlight
beaming on me as I display myself in the windowsill (it matters
not that we live in an attic flat), and the elaborate daybed
with the "violet bed" coverlets which I generously allow Mums
to share with me.
Perhaps my favourite pastime is sitting in the bathtub and
drinking from the water faucet. Since Mums thinks that adds
too much to the water bill (selfish sort!), she compensates
by dripping water for me from the container she uses to place
water into the iron.
I am a well-informed cat, but have no use for some currently
popular topics. For example, I am not interested in what is
currently termed "animal rights." Heavens, we invented that
one, and now lots of humans think it was their idea!
I do
have a well-developed social conscience, and am very much devoted
to peace and harmony.
As a first
step to world peace (one small step for a cat, one giant leap
for universe-kind), you will notice that I have adopted a dear
little mouse. (Between us, I thought Viking was going to send me a
computer mouse, but, as a believer in providence, I took what
I was sent.)
Those of you who wish to join in this felinatarian effort may
click on one of the graphics of little Gwynneth to obtain further
information.
Gloriana's family can be a trial at
times. Christopher,
her nephew, has this maddening habit of stepping on me or
hitting me with the door when he
is in a rush, which
is most of the time. And niece Alison's
running, pattering feet and occasionally bratty ways keep me running
for cover. They can't understand that I'm invisible when I
climb under the furniture, and poke into my private space.
The truest measure of whether one is a most adored cat (aren't we
all?) is the Gauge of the Stroke. This is performed by finding
a time when one's human is engaged in a sedentary activity, such
as collapsing into a favourite chair after a lengthy day's work.
Calculate a distance of eight feet from said human. Then, stretch
yourself out in the "pet me" pose, and call out with the particular
miaow that clearly signals that you want to be stroked. Guaranteed -
the weary human will sigh, rise from the much wanted comfy chair,
and walk across to pet you.
If you have read this far, I shall proceed to assume that you also
are a cat. Thus, a good deal of our innate wisdom, that so puzzles
the humans, does not need to be explained. However, for the
benefit of the uninitiate, I shall share some tidbits (of wisdom,
that
is, since I have yet to find a way to transmit sardines electronically).
- Remember that you own not only the house but the
resident human. However, it often is best to leave your "master"
or "mistress" (chuckle and purr) with the happy fiction that
you are somehow subordinate. It is good for their fragile
self-esteem (a problem that none of us have ever experienced.)
- Resign yourself to the fact that said human will need to
update your Web site. For all the advances in technology, the
ergonomic keyboard suited to our paws has yet to be designed.
Make certain you plant yourself in the middle of Mum's or Dad's lap
as soon as you see the monitor come on. Remember, you are in
control. (Actually, how would we bear updating a Web site,
considering how frequently entails pressing a button labelled,
of all things, Submit!)
- To assure total control, you must become adept at wedging
yourself between the doorway every time your human seeks to open
or shut the door. The minimum time to keep her guessing about
whether you intend to proceed north or south is three minutes,
generally a sufficient time for the frustration to melt into
such talk as "are you my precious kitty? are you the most
beautiful cat in the world?"
- More of my wisdom shall follow soon. Recall that we, unlike
them, are not given to excessive talk.
Stories and Poetry by Leonora
Lemieux
and I became parents (cyber-type) nine months after our marriage, when we adopted an adorable cyber-kitty from CLAW's service. Our daughter is the Lady Francesca Ostara (Francie), and I greatly enjoy telling her stories. Please be sure to visit her playroom for a sampler of
my literary prowess.

I should like a number of friends to join me in the salute to
felinehood. Their links follow. In the meantime,
permit me to present some of my long-term cronies.

Columbus, who owned Mums's friend, Richard This wonderful cat passed to the Rainbow Bridge on the 24th of November 1998 - and will always be remembered with warmth.
Columbus was unique among
our breed for several reasons, to wit: Where we say "miaow", he said "maatt",
sounding for all the world like a duck. He also was amply decorated, being
a colour, somewhere between yellow, beige, and orange, that I
have yet to see duplicated, and being part solid and part
striped.
I happen to be a house cat, but Columbus, an outdoors man,
was the king of his neighbourhood, and undoubtedly
fathered at least four generations.
He was the only cat that I knew who, having had a "master"
(Richard's son, Jonathan) who was very much "into" body building,
had to endure daily workouts to test his strength and reflexes.
Columbus also was fed protein drinks and heaven knows what other
body building libations. When Mums first knew him, he had shoulders
like Arnold Schwarzenegger.
Columbus had a trait that I, for all Mums' love for languages,
have never been able to develop. He could say several English words:
milk and out among them. When anyone called him, he said, "Whaaat?"
This unusual feline came when the humans called him, even if he was
napping on the third floor. He also hugged the humans - no, not
snuggled on their shoulders as you or I might (provided they've
been extra good.) Columbus wrapped his arms around their necks and
really hugged them, without any concern for what allergies their
dander may have caused him. He also carried on conversations with them:
"Maat, k-k-k, waaa, maatt", which I'm sure they'd have understood
had his voice box been placed a little higher than it is
for our species. Is is any wonder that, excepting yours truly,
Mums thought he was the most lovable cat there was?
 |
Emily and Peter - who are bro-fur and sis-fur.
Peter is one of five kittens which Mums delivered, in her office,
when a pregnant mother-cat was abandoned near the building. Emily's Meowmie
generously opened her doors to another kitty, and the rest is history.
The portraits were Mums's idea! |
 |

More friends, links, and awards!
Until I hear from you, I send you pets and purrs. Oh, by the way,my human,
Gloriana, would love for you to visit her page
as well!
© 1997 by The Lady Leonora
This CLAW Ring site
is owned by Leonora, Queen in Calico.
Next
Skip Next
Next Five
Previous
Skip Previous
Want to join the ring? Click here for info.
This Cat Ring site
is owned by Leonora, Queen in Calico .
Next
Skip Next
Next Five
Previous
Skip Previous
Want to join the ring? Click here for info.