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Realm of the Lady Leonora

Court of your Queen in Calico, where Wisdom Reigns

For your listening and dining pleasure, the MIDI you hear is "L'Aquarium" by Camille Saint-Saens

First off, may I make it plain that the absurd creatures that form the background for this page were the idea of the webmistress - that is, my adoptive mother (two-legged variety), whom I have owned since 1993. (She has this passion for the medieval and fantastic, lacking our practicality, and insensitively forgetting the sad views of our kind that were in some medieval minds.) I fully intend to replace it with a border that represents our own kind shortly. Also, I have moved some of my photos to a separate page, to reduce the clutter - but please do visit there before you go, since I am the most beautiful cat in the world.

Mums already has instituted a Crusade for Class Acts on the Web, and I intend to promote such a cause among the feline community. Soon, I shall offer my reflections on what distinguishes us for that blessed commodity, but please bear with me while Mums devotes her time towards writing her new medieval musings.

I also am something of a renaissance kitty. I hold Bachelor's and Master's Degrees from the CLAW school, and a Doctor of Feline Studies degree in felinities ( a word I coined, since "humanities" seemed inappropriate.) I also am a published writer, a patron of the CLAW theatre, a professor of Netscape and Sewing (strange bedfellows!) at the CLAW university, and a teacher of kittengarten.

My name, I'm sure you will agree, is rather distinctive. Mums, who was an opera singer before she started in management for the sake of the bread and butter, named me after the lead characters in Il Trovatore, La Forza del Destino, and Fidelio. (Quite a threesome!) My father's name was Heathcliff McCue and my mother's Fudge, and my birth name was Kathleen - but I've born the proud name of Leonora since Mums took me home when I was seven weeks old. Socially, I am Mrs Lemieux Austin - or, for those not foolishly over-attached to the notion that titles for the gentry are passé, Leonora, Lady Lemieux. (You can click here to see our wedding picture.)

I was born the same month as Mums's niece, Alison. When Alison began to talk, she addressed me as "Nor!", and Nor I became. One must endure a great deal with children! Of course, I do have less to put up with than Gloriana does. The kids, to her eternal dismay, call her "Bibi."

You will ask, where are my current photos? That is a sad tail (excuse me, tale). Though there are a few in my photo album, Mums still has no scanner, and must trek to a friend's house to have one of my photos turned into a GIF or JPG. Secretly, I think that she lags too much, harping on unicorns, gryphons, the wee folk and such when she has twelve pounds of gorgeous calico on her lap. Most snaps here are kitten pictures, since (though she's loath to admit it), Mums wasn't too delighted when I turned out to be a BBW like herself.

I came to her in early kittenhood, endured the indignities of being stripped of my claws (and a few other personal effects), then settled into a reign which is quite satisfying, and in which my lady in waiting, Gloriana, indulges my every whim.

I am a beautiful, regal calico, who accompanies all her words with an aristocratic turn of the paw. Some of the chief pleasures of my life are tuna, chicken treats, sunlight beaming on me as I display myself in the windowsill (it matters not that we live in an attic flat), and the elaborate daybed with the "violet bed" coverlets which I generously allow Mums to share with me.

Perhaps my favourite pastime is sitting in the bathtub and drinking from the water faucet. Since Mums thinks that adds too much to the water bill (selfish sort!), she compensates by dripping water for me from the container she uses to place water into the iron.

I am a well-informed cat, but have no use for some currently popular topics. For example, I am not interested in what is currently termed "animal rights." Heavens, we invented that one, and now lots of humans think it was their idea!

I do have a well-developed social conscience, and am very much devoted to peace and harmony. As a first step to world peace (one small step for a cat, one giant leap for universe-kind), you will notice that I have adopted a dear little mouse. (Between us, I thought Viking was going to send me a computer mouse, but, as a believer in providence, I took what I was sent.) Those of you who wish to join in this felinatarian effort may click on one of the graphics of little Gwynneth to obtain further information.

Gloriana's family can be a trial at times. Christopher, her nephew, has this maddening habit of stepping on me or hitting me with the door when he is in a rush, which is most of the time. And niece Alison's running, pattering feet and occasionally bratty ways keep me running for cover. They can't understand that I'm invisible when I climb under the furniture, and poke into my private space.

The truest measure of whether one is a most adored cat (aren't we all?) is the Gauge of the Stroke. This is performed by finding a time when one's human is engaged in a sedentary activity, such as collapsing into a favourite chair after a lengthy day's work. Calculate a distance of eight feet from said human. Then, stretch yourself out in the "pet me" pose, and call out with the particular miaow that clearly signals that you want to be stroked. Guaranteed - the weary human will sigh, rise from the much wanted comfy chair, and walk across to pet you.

If you have read this far, I shall proceed to assume that you also are a cat. Thus, a good deal of our innate wisdom, that so puzzles the humans, does not need to be explained. However, for the benefit of the uninitiate, I shall share some tidbits (of wisdom, that is, since I have yet to find a way to transmit sardines electronically).

Stories and Poetry by Leonora

Lemieux and I became parents (cyber-type) nine months after our marriage, when we adopted an adorable cyber-kitty from CLAW's service. Our daughter is the Lady Francesca Ostara (Francie), and I greatly enjoy telling her stories. Please be sure to visit her playroom for a sampler of my literary prowess.

I should like a number of friends to join me in the salute to felinehood. Their links follow. In the meantime, permit me to present some of my long-term cronies.