THE STRANGE FIXATION OF BRYAN BIGELOW
I used to go with a fella named Bryan
Who was built like a bull
And had the head of a lion
And whose eyes were truly stellar-y.
But put dear Bryan in a bed or a cot
And what you imagined would get instantly hot
Went as limp as last week’s celery.
However,
Bryan would do a complete about-face
Once he got you in a public place.Swimming in the ocean,
Wading in a lake,
Attending someone’s wedding,
Attending someone’s wake---
At a shopping center
Or a playground or a zoo---
That’s when Bryan decided to screw.Gazing at Grand Canyon,
Strolling through the Met,
At a dinner party,
In the rest room of a jet.
Underneath the lamp light
Just let a stranger pass---
That’s when Bryan would grab for your ass.On a crowded beach he always wanted a tumble
Right out in the open, there in the sand---
And the lustful words he would start to mumble
On the Small World ride at Disneyland.
During the Magic Parade and the Fantasmic Show,
One never knew how far he would go.At stadiums and movies,
On buses and on trains,
During churchly sermons
And political campaigns.
For awhile in my life,
Bryan was the absolute cynosure---
But the last I heard
He’d been arrested
For indecent exposure.
I guess it just goes to show
The strange fixation
Of Bryan Bigelow.
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