There was a time when every fairly well-educated person knew of
The Rubaiyat by Omar Khayyam.  The phrase "A jug of wine, a loaf of bread
and thou"  became part of our language.  This 11th Century Persian, whose verses
were rediscovered and translated in the 18th Century, brought a fresh air
of hedonism to a straightlaced society.   Now that hedonism has pretty
well taken over the world, one would think he would be more popular
than ever.  But the opposite is true.  And this lyric may explain the reason.

The Rubaiyat Revisited


A guy by the name of Khayyam
Was very much like I am,
He wanted to defy 'em all.
His design for a life was to be
As bright as a shining ruby
And nothing quite connubial.
Just a jug of wine, a loaf of bread and thou.
But today we need much more than that somehow.

I'd like to hold you,
To have you,
Under some bough...
Some diet Pepsi,
A loaf of protein bread
And thou.

I'd like to kiss you,
To love you
Under some tree...
A two way pager,
A phone that's cellular
And thee.

Oh, what we need to drive away fears,
To make us safer and saner!
Did Methuselah really live nine hundred years
Without one damned personal trainer?

Oh, to caress you,
Embrace you
Under some bough...
A new palm pilot,
A heart rate monitor
And thou.

                  II

I'd like to hold you,
To have you
Under some bough...
A frozen pizza,
A one touch Microwave
And thou.

I'd like to kiss you,
To love you
Under some tree...
A Sony walkman,
A digital camera
And thee.

What could we modern fellows enjoy
Without our yogurt and yoga?
How could Paris carry off Helen of Troy
With no viagra stashed in his toga?

Oh, to caress you,
Embrace you
Under some bough...
Some marijuana,
A box of Nicorettes
And thou...
A loaf of protein bread,
A phone that's cellular,
A heart rate monitor,
A one touch Microwave,
A digital camera,
A box of Nicorettes,
Our psychoanalysts
And thou.
 

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