Vertical Disparity's
Bob Bonitz!!

(What a guy!!)

Claudia and Bob
recently on the French Riviera

This page last updated July 18, 1997

Wow! These guys even have Bob Bonitz!!! This is definitely the coolest team around. But how can both Fred and Bob be Center Float???


Well, y'see, it's like this: Good ol' Fred went and herniated a disk. You know the one: between L4 and L5. So, he'll be recouperating from that for a few months. In the meantime, Bob will be taking up the slot. And, Bob not only has a ton of 8-way experience, he's even had the same surgery to repair the same disk!!! And GET THIS!! Andy and Buck have had it, too!! Can you imagine?! That's damn near 50% of the team!!! Heck, they oughta change their name to Spinal Disparity!!


So, here's Bob, a regular Rocket Scientist, taking time out from his busy Mars Pathfinder Mission to play with this awesome team. Pretty gosh-darn amazing, I'd say!! And, yes, ladies, he's SINGLE!!! All you gotta do is be beautiful, intelligent, kind, generous, and rich. And then pass the Vertical Disparity Chicks' Interview & Written Test. (Smokers need not apply) It's that simple!!!

  • Q: I've heard all kinds of stories about you, Bob. Some were even pretty scary. And they'd lead me to believe you've been around the block a couple of times. So, how many jumps do you REALLY have??

  • A: Oh, let's see... I guess it's about fifty... ...to... a hundred... .

  • Q: WHAT?! You have less than a hundred jumps??!! Don't you have to have at least a C license to compete in the Nationals?!

  • A: I said fifty-two hundred!!

  • Q: I heard what you said the first time. Jeez! They'll let anybody jump on this team! Well, let's just move on. Why do you like 8-way?

  • A: I really have no idea. Why is the sky blue?

  • Q: Wait a second.... Don't you work for NASA?? I would think you'd KNOW why the sky is blue! Man, oh, man. Are my tax dollars paying your salary?? Oh, forget it. Let's just open this other can of worms: Why do you compete?

  • A: I just do it for the jumps, really.

  • Q: What?! Are they paying you for THAT, too?? How do I get on this team??! Man. Some people have all the luck! Well, what's your favorite block anyway?

  • A: Well, that would have to be Lumbar-Fubar, of course!!

  • Q: With a team like this, I'm not surprised! In fact, I'm getting a pain in my back just thinking about it. Ok, ok, let's just move on. So, what was your most memorable skydive?

  • A: Ah, yes! That would have to be The Infamous Crater Back-Loop Dive. No shit, there we were, 6th round of 10-way at the Nationals. It was the Beer Hunters against the Freak Brothers. We were neck 'n' neck. We had been doing 8's all day and just needed a 7.6 to win. The tension was thick. Everyone was watching and waiting to see what we'd do. The Freak Bros. were right there in front with their champagne ready.
    We were allowed one go-around, and there we were, all jammed up, and you know how Gary Carter is! It's not tense enough. He's number 10, he's all worked up and yells "Break it down!" and we do the go-around. Now, if you know Gary, half the reason he does 10-way is just to beat #9 in. So, we launch, and here comes Gary, full speed, goin' for the win, and he not only beat #9, he never flared; litterally stood it up, but he hung on. This is before they had that rule about "grips in control"... Well, then he does a backloop!!! You shoulda seen it!! But he kept his grips through the funel and we won with a 7.3.
    Well, not really. The judges final time was 7.9 and we lost. And that's when they came up with that stupid rule about "control". Took all the excitement right out of 10-way. After that, the two 10-way teams played "Beer Hunter" where you shake up a can of beer and mix it in with all the rest, and one at a time, each person opens a can of beer to their head. Yup, you guessed it! One of their guys got the loaded gun!

  • Q: I remember seeing that on CNN! You guys are crazy!! I guess a guy like you, with his head on Mars all the time, has nothing but profound thoughts. But after a stunk like that, I don't suppose you'd have any profound thoughts on skydiving, wouldja???

  • A: Ah, but, little grasshopper, it made me realize that Success is the Quality of the Journey.

  • Q: That was probably the most profound thing I've ever heard! You really are as complex as they say. Do ya think I could go on the next Mars mission???

  • A: Sorry, I've got a shuttle to catch... Thanks for the interview!

E-mail Bob with your questions!

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