KRYCEK/SPORK SMUT FIC

Krycek awoke the next day. He groaned as he tried to sit up for he had a splitting headache due to him being very inebriated the previous night. He rolled over and looked at the utensil next to him in horror. 

It was Spoon! She slowly awakened too. 

"Hey cutie" 

"Spoon?" He cried in disbelief. 

"Oh please don't tell me you don't remember that!" Spoon said with a contented grin. Krycek smiled at her confusedly. "Of...of course not." 

"Good boy...or should I say 'Randy boy?'". With that Spoon got up. "I'm going to take a shower now." 

Krycek looked around frustrated. All he remembered was seeing Spork at the office~oh no! Spork! He now realized what he had done. 

he thought  

Krycek looked around his house dejectedly. His whole house was a secret shrine to Spork. The only video he owned was "It's Pat" because, like the fictionous character, Spork was an enigma to him. He had no pink in his house whatsoever (even thought it was his favorite color) because Spork hated it. He had 8 boxes of condoms under his bed just for that special day.

Krycek glanced again. Wait, 5. Spoon and he must have used up a few.

But then Krycek looked on the other side of the bed. "Fork???" 

Fork woke up, looking extremely content. "Hey Alex" he said softly. 

Krycek stared at him for few seconds, shocked beyond any measure. Sure, Krycek had some late night parties involving whipped cream and pickles with Mulder back in the day...But this was Fork they were talking about here! 

What had he done??? Now he would never get Spork!! 
 

Spork arrived at work early, determined to tell Krycek how Spork felt. Spork went past Mr.Potato Head's office and was astounded to see him crying. 

"Mr. Potato Head?" Spork asked hesitatingly. "Are you alright?" 

"No." Mr. Potato Head replied sobbingly. "I'm not. I went by Fork's house last night to tell him how I felt..." Mr. Potato Head trailed off in his sentence as he realized what he had just said. 

"It's okay." assured Spork. "The sexual tension between you two was always obvious." 

"Really?" the elder potato head asked. "I thought so too, but apparently *he* would rather sleep with someone else." With this sentence he burst into tears. 

"What?" Spork asked. " But...I always thought the only reason you two didn't get cooking was because the relationship would be frowned on by the FBI.." 

"I did too." Mr. Potato Head sniffed. "But apparently he'd rather bang Krycek than me." 

Spork stiffened. Krycek? And Fork? "Krycek? And Fork?" she asked. 

"Yes..."the director spluttered."And Spoon. That little hussy." 

Spork turned away quickly and ran. 

Apparently Krycek would rather be with every other agent in the building besides her. What was Spork going to do???? 
 

Krycek quickly dressed while Fork was the kitchen, making scrambled eggs and whistling 
Dixie. Spoon was still in the shower. As he finished throwing on his dress shoes, Spoon entered the room wearing only a towel. Krycek thought longingly. 

"Hey baby" Spoon said sexily. 

Krycek swallowed hard. "I'm not your baby." 

"That's not what you said last night, baby." 

"Whatever I said last night didn't matter. It didn't mean anything. It couldn't have because..." Krycek trailed off. 

"Because you are in love with Spork?" 

Krycek looked at her incredulously. "How?? When..?? I mean.." 

Spoon laughed. "It's obvious, Spunkrat." 

"So you are okay with this?" Krycek asked hesitatingly. "Fork?" 

"Fork is in love with Mr.Potato Head." Spoon said. "And I am a whore. It's all good." 

Krycek looked up elatedly. "So you and he won't tell Spork?" 

"Not on your life, Spunkrat." 

Krycek asked confusedly. "Why do you keep calling me that?" 

"You really don't remember last night at all?" Spoon said in disbelief. 

"No, sorry." Krycek said. After a moment's hesitation. "Was it...good?" 

Spoon grinned. "Yeah, Spunky Boy. I guess I better stop calling you that. Now go get your utensil!" 

Krycek hugged Spoon and ran out the door, yelling a goodbye to Fork. 

Fork and Spoon sat down and ate some scrambled eggs, discussing the night before. 

"You know he doesn't remember it at all?" Spoon commented. 

Fork looked up in disbelief. "He doesn't remember...that?" 

Spoon laughed. "I sure do." 

Fork raised his eyebrows. "You know we don't have to be in the office for another two hours." 

The two utensils retreated to the bedroom.