Portland T

Traffic Court
Monday, January 23
Here is a riddle for you. What costs $3.50 on a Friday night, $43.50 the following day, and $33.50 a week later? Give up?

A pint of beer. (Of course!) Let me explain. If you remember my misadventures in trying to find a place to listen to Jazz a week ago Friday, you'll recall that I drove to the LVUptown, had a beer ($3.50), left because it wasn't quite what I was looking for, and then came all the way back home to park and walk to my final destination. It took ten minutes to find a spot three blocks away. Those of you from Portland may find this a little suspicious; only 10 minutes on a Friday night. Turns out it was too good to be true. The next day I went out to the car and found the parking ticket ($40). On the back of the ticket, I read that I could pay the ticket, offer a written explanation, or contest and ask for a hearing. Later I find out that you can also drop in to see the judge. Normally I would have written an explanation and mailed it in. But then I figured that there is no better way to see how "The City That Works" actually works, then to see its inner workings. I have good news to report.

I hop on the streetcar and go downtown and walk the 6 blocks to the Multnomah County Courthouse. On the way I stop at the South Park Blocks. It's an incredible day; sunny, warm (relatively) and people are hanging out on park benches or slowly strolling, enjoying the sunshine. I am a little surprised to see a towering statue of Abraham Lincoln and not some famous Oregonian.

At the courthouse I wait in line to go through security and then make my way to room 112A. There are about 15 people sprinkled through the seating area and Judge Lowe is holding court. At first I wonder if this was a mistake. He looks a little stern. Maybe he'll quiz me about how long I've been in Portland and why do I still have a Minnesota drivers license. And sure enough the first case concerns a young woman who hadn't updated the address on her license. But Judge Lowe is friendly, lenient, congenial, patient, and helpful (even advising a man to change his plea from Guilty to Not). In almost every case he reduces or dismisses the fines. And then a man in front of me is called up and looks exactly like Abe Lincoln. I am not kidding! Abe tells his story and gets his parking ticket knocked down $10.

When he calls me up, I plead No Contest and offer the following: that I've never had a parking ticket; that I try very hard to obey the parking rules; and the side streets here in Portland are very poorly lit and that's why I missed the No Parking sign. He actually seems sympathetic to the last reason. Still he finds me guiltily but takes $10 off and gives me a hearty welcome to Oregon. I'm a little disappointed as I had begun to hope for better, but I was delighted to see how well this little piece of Portland government worked: friendly, fast, and efficient.

Just to be on the safe side, I walk across town to the DMV and ask how much time I have before I need to get an Oregon drivers license and car registration. The woman behind the counter tells me that I don't need to do this until I consider myself a resident. It sounds a little vague. I double- and triple-check this and she patiently repeats the rule. I walk away relieved because I do still consider myself a Minnesotan on an extended visit. On the streetcar ride home I chat with a tourist from Virginia. "So, are you a native?" she asks. "No, I'm really just visiting." It can't hurt to practice my story...