Depending on the person's medical conditions and any previous medical training (of which I had none) on the part of the Caregiver, looking after someone can be very challenging, stressful, and a huge responsibility....one though that I would do all over in a second.
Doing this brought my mother and I even closer, and my husband developed a very special relationship with her....for it was his hand she sought out to hold and comfort her as the end drew near....and for that I will always be grateful.
I won't lie....this was THE hardest thing I had ever done in my life....the stress of watching someone you love struggle with devastating conditions every day, the worry, the sleepless nights, and the knowledge that you have basically put your life on hold to care for her....but the rewards of seeing how happy she was with us, and of course our dogs, made every minute worthwhile.
Being thrown right in the middle of our health care system because of this, I got quite an insider's view of just how horrible it really is in our province, care for the elderly is lacking tremendously, as are resources for Caregivers, not to mention the fright one feels in a hospital where the doctors are overworked and the nursing shortage is blatantly obvious. I am in the process of writing to all of our Health Care officials in the hopes that if enough of us speak up things could be improved.
I for one believe that we are not in roles as caregivers by accident. There are so many lessons to learn. We learn to care better for ourselves...we learn to respect and work through incomplete issues with those we care for...but the truly most important lesson we are all here to learn about is moving into forgiveness and opening to love.
Each of us learns so much through the caregiving role if we can get out of the "why me" type role or our "victim" and perhaps glimpse at a bigger picture. It is important to get out the hurt, the mixed feelings, the guilt and whatever; but it is equally important to learn ways to let go and move forward. No one can do this for us. We must do it ourselves to obtain our own inner peace and joy. Everyday we have choices.... there may not always be many, but it is truly a matter of shifting our perceptions and opening ourselves to another way of being.
The Word "Try" or " Are you taking responsibility yet?" is so important for you to pay attention to. As caregivers, most take on tremendous responsibilities and the pressures build, but one must seek out the tools to empower ourselves so that we can make wise decisions for ourselves as well as our loved ones, and that means we must also be responsible for maintaining balance within our self.
Life is not a destination...it is a journey...we are able to change so much of what we feel stuck in once we change our thoughts, our attitudes and beliefs. The role of the caregiver builds strength from within, compassion and empathy from within. It tests our faith and for many we learn to develop trust and faith in a "Higher Power" that carries us through this experience. The caregiving experience is transformational if you open yourself to all the rewards it does have.
Copyrighted by Gail R. Mitchell April 2000
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