Counseling Asians and Indonesians
by Greg Robertson
"How are you today?" -- American
"How is your family today?" -- Asian
The following paper, written for The Pastor as Cross Cultural Counselor at Faith Seminary in Tacoma, is for purposes of gaining understanding of the Asian culture in general with a few specifics about the cultures of Indonesia. May the Love of God fill our hearts with the compassion and wisdom necessary to touch the lives of others with His grace. It should not be forgotten that man's basic problem has to do with sin and the answer to the sin problem is the work of Christ for us on the Cross. Counselors should always keep this in mind lest the Cross of Christ be short-curcuited or replaced with a faulty world view which does not address the primary issue. (GLR May/99)
To write a paper on counseling Asians is to paint in very broad strokes. Even though there are some general characteristics which apply to pretty much all Asian peoples, there are also some differences. For purposes of this paper I shall cover some of the generalized characteristics of Asians and go into more specifics about Indonesians. Even writing a paper on Indonesians is to paint with a broad stroke. The more than 13 thousand islands making up the Indonesian archipelago contain more than 100 cultures and 300 languages. On the approximately 6000 islands which are inhabited there are over 200 million people, the majority of which are Muslim.
Here in the United States there are Asians from all over the world. Formerly the greatest Asian population was from Japan. Now the Japanese have dropped to third and the Chinese and Filipino peoples have taken first and second. Things are constantly changing and it has been predicted that the Filipinos will soon climb to first place. Within the differing Asian cultures that are now spread throughout the United States, there are at least 29 distinct subgroups with some quite widespread differences.(1) Due to that fact it is virtually impossible for any counselor to gain a complete understanding of all the dynamics which may come into play in an Asian person's life. Therefore, it is a mistake to stereotype the Asian culture. Rather, a counselor must first and foremost be respectful and sensitive with a general knowledge of the various backgrounds and common struggles that the Asians and Asian Americans must deal with in this country.
Many of the Asians in this country came here as refugees and that is a major influence on the problems they must deal with in a new culture. One study showed that 80% of refugees complained of homesickness; 72% were worried about the future; 55% were lonely; and 40% felt sad most of the time (Sue and Sue, p. 197). Many Asian families have been split up due to war in their country of origin and have little contact with their loved ones who were left behind and the hurtful memories of others who have been killed. Others who were able to bring their family here intact find that the ancient cultural tradition of respect for elders and the family hierarchy is being replaced in their children with the present American cultural milieu of "disrespect for everyone else," with high respect and self esteem for the individual. The self esteem ethos has become a major motif even in the church as the influence of an unbiblical culture has become the norm.
Even Asians who have been here for generations have a history with many painful memories. The Chinese were treated as expendable slaves to build the railroads and the Japanese, many of whom had already become Americanized, were put in concentration camps after Pearl Harbor was bombed.
Value conflicts of Asians in America cause tremendous stress for the individual and the family structure. The Asian mindset is generally respectful of authority and elders, values emotional restraint, thinks in terms of family instead of individuality, and has specified roles in society and family. Contemporary American culture has developed in the opposite direction.
An inexperienced or uninformed counselor may think that an Asian client is being very quiet because he or she is unresponsive and not benefitting from the counseling. While in the Asian culture silence is a way to show respect for another person. Many counselors who have not taken the time to do their homework or lack sensitivity toward an Asian client have misdiagnosed the person and caused more harm than help.
Narrowing the counseling situation down to the Indonesians is still painting with a broad brush. If you told an Indonesian counselee that he should "come back tomorrow" for another appointment, the person may or may not show up depending entirely upon the meaning of tomorrow within the cultural subgroup. If he is Javanese and does not show up, the counselor should not be alarmed or think that the person has decided not to continue the counseling sessions. Respectful and precise communication, sometimes with patient clarification, is the only safe avenue when dealing with anyone who has grown up in another culture. The counselor cannot assume that words, non-verbal gestures or apparent attitudes mean the same things universally. Communication experts say the only seemingly universal form of communication is the facial expression.
If the counselee is 100% Indonesian, but ethnic Chinese, tomorrow means the day after the statement was made. Respectful and precise communication is necessary even among the Indonesians themselves. In one situation I heard of a Javanese doctor telling an ethnic Chinese Indonesian patient to "come in tomorrow" for a surgical procedure. After the patient had prepared and arrived for the "appointment" with her daughter who had taken time off work, it was discovered that the Javanese doctor had the day off. In his culture "tomorrow" meant the "indefinite future," while in the Chinese culture it meant "the next day." Knowing some of these simple facts about the difference in meaning even among Asians can benefit the counselor greatly in the diagnostic process. If a person does not show up for an appointment, the counselor must follow up and contact the counselee instead of assume that the person decided against further counseling. If Indonesians see a counselor it will usually be because they are having problems with a child. Their own personal or family problems will usually stay private to avoid the risk of malu (explained below).
In Ethnicity and Family Therapy(2), the authors show that Indonesians maintain strong hierarchies which include the extended family. The hierarchies are according to age and apply both outside and inside the immediate family which is patriarchal in nature. It is important for a counselor to call adults Mr. or Mrs. unless they request otherwise. In Indonesian families the children usually stay at home until married. If members of the extended family are present they must also be greeted cordially. Younger children should be greeted last. Babies are expecially precious to the Indonesians and are almost always on someone's lap or in someone's arms. As a general rule the head and hair, especially of children, is considered sacred. Patting a child on the head or stroking a child's hair is to be avoided.(3) In many Indonesian cultures children never talk about their parents, lest they cause them to "lose face."(4) It would be entirely inappropriate to begin asking children personal family questions during the counseling session. If input is needed from children about family problems, it should be gathered in a session without the adults present.
The reputation for a lack of directness among Indonesians is probably related to the generally respectful attitude toward others and the desire to avoid causing malu.
The former Dutch colonial occupation of the Indonesian islands is surely part of the cause for Indonesian sensitivity to any attitude of dominance on the part of the counselor. The counselor must take time to understand and appreciate the Indonesian way of thinking and doing things. The Indonesian family members will need to be empowered through the counseling and should be given options instead of directives. The fact that Indonesians are coming to therapy implies that they are suffering so much malu about something that they have become willing to accept the lesser malu of admitting problems and seeking counseling.
Divorce is rare to the Indonesians and can be a serious cause of malu. Important to remember also, is that the strong family orientation means that "loss of face" reflects upon the entire family and not just on the individual. I know of one case where an Indonesian girl who went through a divorce moved back with her parents and would go to her bedroom any time visitors came over. In this act she was attempting to minimize the malu she had already caused the family because of the divorce. This went on for ten years and would have probably continued if she had not moved to another country where her act of malu was not known.
To minimize the malu of counseling, it is important for the counselor to explain up front what the counseling is all about and how many sessions might be necessary. Numerous sessions over many months of time are out of the question except in very extreme cases.(5)
Because of the strong family orientation with Indonesians, the family members may want extended family members to be involved in the sessions, but this should not be forced upon them if it is not what they want. Although the closeness in Indonesian families reaches also into the extended family, the usual practice is that families do not share their internal problems with outsiders or even close relatives. With Indonesians, as with all therapy, listening is the counselor's most primary tool.
Although in the United States people often separate religion from their day to day lives, Indonesians tend to have their religious beliefs woven into the very fabric of life. A sensitive therapist will respect this. McGoldrick suggests using a genogram (chart tracing the family back a few generations) in therapy with Indonesians because it helps them see their problems in a wider context (p. 322).
To illustrate some of the broad difference even within the cultures of Indonesia, let me give a common anecdote which is recited in both McGoldrick (p. 317) and Draine (p. 63). The Draine account is much more colorful:
"A man had his toe trod upon. If he were Batak, he would scowl savagely and immediately vent his displeasure in loud, direct, abusive terms . . . and do nothing; if Javanese, he would clear his throat politely, gesture vaguely in the direction of the offended digit, call a large group around him and arrive at a decision by consensus to possibly do something about it sometime; if he were Balinese, he would pray; if he were Bugis or Madurese, he would immediately beat up the person; if he were Padang, he would offer some money to make it all right."
With this illustration in mind, let me end by saying that it is important not to apply stereotypes to people who come to you for help, no matter what culture they are from. Even within the various cultures there are people who do not follow their cultural standards. The wise counselor will spend time studying the specifics of the culture of a counselee, and this may be helpful, especially in the diagnostic stage of counseling. However, the stereotypes are only a basic guide to understanding a person and avoiding unnecessary offense. They are not hard and fast rules that all conform to.
"Terima kasih, Dr. Gibson!"
(Translation "We have received your love, Dr. Gibson!" The Indonesian "Thank You!")
1. Counseling the Culturally Different, by Derald Wing Sue and David Sue, John Wiley and Sons, Inc., NY, 1981, 1990, p. 189.
2. Ethnicity & Family Therapy, second edition, edited by Monica McGoldrick, Joe Giordano and John K. Pearce; Guilford Press, NY, 1996, p. 318.
3. Culture Shock! Indonesia: A Guide to Customs and Etiquette by Cathie Draine & Barbara Hall; Graphic Arts Center Publishing Company, Portland, Oregon, 1986, revised 1996 edition, p. 266-267.
4. The Indonesian malu is a kind of "shame" or "losing face." It is sometimes also used to describe shy children. An extremely severe case of malu that leads to murder or other serious acts is called amok from which we derive the English term "run amok." See McGoldrick, pp. 319-320, or Draine, pp. 78-79 for a more in depth explanation of these concepts.
5. The McGoldrick book (p. 321) points out that a university on the island of Bali, Indonesia, recorded an average of only two sessions for those seeking counseling.
