Carl Russell - Lead Vocals
Kurt Schlotzhauer - Percussion - Vocals
Roger Summerville - Bass
Eric Durbin - Guitar

Mountain of Madness

Hello, my name is Eric and I'm an addict......

I would like to convey to you the impact of music on my life but unless you are also an addict then it is not possible for you to understand. If my story sounds familiar to you then you may also be an addict, remember the first step is to admit your addiction so you can work towards moving freely in society without being hindered by your addiction. Remember also that I never thought, "I want to be a music junkie when I grow up!" It just happened.......

It all started out simple enough, I would use a little when I couldn't sleep, then I started hiding a transistor radio under my pillowcase and lay my ear on it so no one would know I was using. This was only the beginning of the paranoia.............

Starting out I would only use the radio on the weekends, then once or twice during the week, before I knew it I was using daily, in fact I found that I couldn't sleep without music. At this point I still thought I was normal, but that all changed.

I began to notice that when my friends were talking about cartoons, toys, bikes, skateboards, or whatever else, my input would usually relate to music somehow. At times I would speak in complete paragraphs compiled of nothing but lyrics. I would quote lyrics as if they were bible passages or words from some eastern guru to be passed on as great wisdom. I would fight with teachers about whether or not song lyrics were credible poetry, often turning in lyrics when we were assigned to write a poem and then when recieving praise on the work tell them it was song lyrics. This would anger some and others would agree that some lyrics were written by great poets. This was always percieved by me to be some great victory as I was always trying to "convert" people to my mindset. Addiction is much like religeon in this way, it is so much a part of your existance that you don't understand how people don't see things your way and you are sure that they would be happier if they did.

Preaching became a part of my everyday existance as I traveled from group to group praising the music that was great and warning people of the evil of "top40". Pop hits usually were not music, but merely an imitation, a placebo, and being that it was not real, it was evil. I found that the majority of the world was willing to settle for less than the real thing, not only that but that most people wouldn't listen to anything unless it had gained a lot of commercial success. This is the first area of my life where I began to battle society, since then there are many other reasons I have found.

So at this point I not only knew I was different but I became an evangelist attempting to turn others into addicts. There were not completely pure motives behind this either, you see If I were to be in a group of music junkies then we could all share. I would not buy the same music as the others did and then I could use mine and theirs. This of course went both ways, being an addict myself I understood the needs of my friends so I was always willing to share.

Some of my friends started to call me an extremist, they said "I love music too, but man you take this too far!". That is when I started hiding my use. The dishonesty started to come back, my friends would say "when did you buy that album?" and I'd say "Oh, I've had this for a long time!" or "I found this one for only $2.00" when I had actually paid $27.00 due to it's rarity. Then came the inevitable attempts to cut back, we all go through that, "Man, I've got to make some changes! Starting next week I will only buy one a week and then gradually ween myself down" Of course it always started "later" and never seemed to work. I told myself that I had it all under control, that I could quit anytime that I wanted to, and many other familiar lies. You see I had not yet come to terms with my addiction and I was definitely not ready to admit it to myself even though everyone around me could see the truth.

All during this time I would play (or at least attempt to play any musical instrument that I could get my hands on. The little plastic recorders we all played in grade school, I spent hours every day practicing, writing songs, composing melodies, counter melodies, harmonies. I even wrote a complete piece and begged the teacher to let us work on it, but of course she wanted to stick to the book. I think she didn't know how to play one herself and didn't want to be shown up! I played any keyboard that was sitting unattended, clarinet, saxophone, attempted the brass (wasn't very successful, unless I could find a group that specialized in the dying animal sounds then I would have been a superstar!)

Went off to college where I was offered a full scholarship and then some to enter their music program. I was still in denial so I turned it down, I was going to be a "businessman" and "make some money". That of course was not to be as the tasks involved in business are primarily mundane. I left college to pursue a business that I had started and it was somewhat successful but I hated life. This was the beginning of my admission process, I realized that it was music that was missing so.........

I decided to pick up another instrument to learn. I bought a bass guitar and fell completely in love. Eventually it took up so much of my time that I had to shut down my business. I tried to put together several projects but none of them worked for very long. All this time I was writing lyrics and bass lines but could never find a guitarist to fill in what I was looking for. After a couple of years of frustration and about 50 songs with lyrics and bass lines I bought a guitar. Not to play of course, only to be able to record my ideas so a potential guitarist would know what I was looking for and wouldn't waste our time if they weren't right for the job.

After about 6 months on the guitar I had completed 9 songs and shortly thereafter I called up Kurt to ask if he would be interested in recording a few songs with me. It didn't take long before we decided to join forces and work on putting a whole band together. During our practice sessions I would play guitar because it gave the songs a better feel, but I always had the intention of finding a guitar player and playing bass. Kurt's impact on my life was more than musical as he helped me realize the extent of my addiction and professed an addiction of his own.

We decided to throw together a jam session for my birthday and the only people who showed up with instruments were Ron and Stacy Corbin, after a few jams Stacy suggested we combine forces to form a complete band. I said that would be cool, but both you and I play bass, she responded "I thought you were playing guitar now". At that point guitar became my main instrument despite no formal training or lessons. After a couple years even they could not support my habit so I left to work on a bigger score.

Kurt and I joined back up early in 1999 to form PUSHT which is where we are today. Now we have a whole group of addicts, so none of us worry about spending too much time working on music, we just accept each other as we are and feed each others needs. Along with Josh Wilson, Brian Reynolds, (both vocalists) and John Lee on bass we hope to provide that much needed "new sound" for junkies all over the world to get off on. No more shame or denial, no more hiding, no more long nights just hoping tomorrow will bring a much needed "fix". We are never more that a couple of days away from practice or a show. Never more than a week away from writing a new piece that gets our collective blood pumping. We have found the perfect mix and are in musical heaven!

If you or someone you know has a problem, please get help! Without the help of my band I would still be lost, wandering the streets in search of that new album I had to have. If you don't get help at "PUSHT", please get help somewhere!

Also I love to share new music so if you have a band and would like to link to us, let us know, send us a tape/cd and we'll review it for you, maybe you could even make our "favorite bands" page. Maybe someday you could even become rock stars like we are!!!!! Never give up the dream, Never deny your dreams, Never quit, Never settle for less than what you truly want out of life, Never assume that you are good enough to give up working on new areas or practicing regularly and most of all, Never accept mediocrity as being acceptable!!!

Until Next Time.................
HAVE FUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!
— Eric