| 24th March, 2002. 9:24 pm. Brainwashed
They say that military service is a sort of brainwashing...a long, drawn out restructuring of a man's beliefs, patterns of thought, and likely actions. The most drastic period, like electro shock therapy, if you will, is undergone during those first few weeks, Basic Combat Training. They say that once you begin this brainwashing, you either come out horribly altered into something less than you were before, or you don't come out at all. I used to be one of "Them" until I volunteered four years of my life. I used to believe military service was one of the crudest, lowest, least awe aspiring vocation as a man (or woman) could come to. I believed it fit for high school dropouts, criminals, men in need of a daily routine, of constant orders, or meticulous living by regime. I once believed, as do "they" that becoming a soldier means leaving a piece of your soul behind, your individuality, your free spirit. There was a time that I felt military service a curse upon men, one I was lucky enough to be held out of. I considered myself so fortunate to be above service that I cried that night I decided to enlist. I cried for the man I thought I was leaving forever. I cried for the life I thought I was leaving, the accomplishments I had dreamed of, the very ideals I lived for. I was a pacifist, a man against war. I honestly thought there was no conflict, between men, neighbors, or nations, that coulod not be solved with rational discussion, with a "melding of minds" so to speak. I held true to the belief that peace and love could someday rule the earth and conquor all evil. I now speak as one who has been brainwashed. As a brainwashed person, I do not see the very act as a negative one. I do not feel a sense of loss. I do not cry for the man I left behind, the accomplishments I dreamed of, or those very ideals I lived for. I do not believe military service is a vocation for the poor, for the destitute, criminals, or those in need of a daily regime. As a soldier, brainwashed by words like tradition, honor, and selfless service, of courage, liberty, and freedom from oppression, I no longer believe that peace and love can conquor evil. I no longer hold sway to the whole "melding of the minds" or rational discussion vs. war... And I tell you why: Before I joined the United States Army; before I ever shaved my head, wore the camies, the boots, the rank; before i ever held an M-16A2; before I ever felt the rush of wind in my face and I leapt from 1200 feet AGL; I was a boy. I wasn't an unintelligent boy, mind you...I had thoughts, aspirations. I had plans and I had dreams and I had a crude understanding of the world around me...or so I thought. I had experiences I could draw on to support my lofty ideals of peace and love. I was able to rationalize my id, ego, superego...the whole ball of wax. I could link my past to my present. Problem was...I could link my present to my future. I couldn't place
my feet on the ground. I couldn't effectively plan for more than two months
in advance, and even that was stretching it. I was a masterful chess player,
but the pieces on my own board?
Peace...try to have a rational discussion on peace when the mad on the other side of the table is screaming "Jihad" at you. try to have a rational discussion with a man about to drive a van loaded with gasoline bombs into a government building. Try to reason with a man holding a pilot's license and trained on an aircraft now about to plunge into the symbol of our military might. Try to reason with a man who beheads innocent civilians. Man is an ugly creature. Beauty is only skin deep...and our skin is so so very shallow. Appearances are deceiving, and appearances is what Peace really is. Peace is an illusion we go to sleep with...the illusion that it will never be "me", or "my family". Try telling the people of the WTC that Peace is not an illusion. Try telling them that Peace and Love and rational discussion will solve all the world's problems, cure hunger, stop famine, end the AIDS threat. I was forever a cynical man, even before my oath os enlistment. My lack of friends as a small child and being teased and tormented by classmates started it. My research into religion, particually organized religion fueled it, and my time in the service, the things I have seen and the places I have been...and finally, WTC 11 September 2001...these things have probably cemented it in me until I die...longer if by some strange twist of fate anything I write survives me. Now...I am a man. I have been brainwashed. As any brainwashed person will tell you, I feel the better for it. I feel it was not a complete washing away of my spirit, but rather a washing away of the facade I clung to and the cobwebs around the edges of my beliefs. I feel that I have grown and matured into more than I have ever been. I feel that I am a better man now, by five, maybe even ten times. At the same time...I still have my fears. I still have my doubts. I still have my insecurities. Above everything else however, while I feel strongly that I am currently part of something greater than myself, I am still an individual, and I still keep the flame of my inner being burning bright and strong for all to see. Current mood: indescribable.
Comments: coldmountain
so it's not brainwashing, it's behavior management.
Nothing on this date last year |
|