Last night I saw _Windtalkers_ at the theatre. Tonight I rented _Vanilla Sky_...and with each movie I can't help but ask this simple question.

What is it about the grainy, gruff, rebuffing Marine that drew the heart of the nurse? What is it about the tortured playboy that drew the heart of the dancer? Why is love one sided in one case and mutual in the the other? Why can the playboy fall while the marine remains aloof, unable to let slide his true emotions? 

Of course...both of these examples are nothing more than fictional depictions of reality...but then again, are they? Just how fictional is the current that develops, how unique? Four people, all totally in love. Three of the four can realize and act on these feelings, while one is afraid, unable to comprehend, to place this love in his life. I suppose three ouf of four isn't so bad considering how hard this life can be...how difficult emotions are to obtain, let alone keep, in certain circumstances like war, strife, famine, disease, pain...and life.

What is it about ourselves that draw the attention of another? What aspects of our personality find us desiring the attentions of another? I suppose the argument would be that for everyone, it's different...that each person has their own traits to look for, that they perceive as important, that they consider beautiful. I would have to disagree with that argument, and here's why...there must be some underlying theme, besides simple sexuality, that unites two spirits. Two people could have all the same passions but still be totally incompatible...while the destitute woman desires no man but the one who will be bad to her, hit her, abuse her...even if she does not realize or understand it.

Is love taught to us by our role models? Are we programmed by society to love just as we are programmed all too often to live? Is it our parents that teach us what love is and what it means? What of us that grow up without role models, true parents, and with a disdain of out society...Are these people culturally unfit to "love" as we see it? 

And just what determines what love truly is after all? Is it not something so personally defined as to defy a blanket description? Is not love unique for all couples? Who is to call one love good and one love bad except for those loving? And how can you call love bad until you are out of love?

And if love is so wonderful, how can it possibly be love if you can ever fall out of it? Are we destined to only "truly" love once? Does the cosmos jinx us with this whole " one soul mate" philosphy?

Thinking of the "cosmos" brings to mind another metaphysical question such as the topic of _Vanilla Sky_...is love even real? How can we be so confident that our lives are real? For those of us that do not, generally, remember our dreams, how can we tell if we are in love while our "consciousness" tells us that we are "awake"? Is love more powerful in our dreams than in reality, and what decides which is which? Does it really even MATTER which is which? If we KNEW, unequivacably, which was real, our "waking periods" or our "dreams", and were offered the choice, would be choose reality our or dreams? What if, by choosing our dreams, we were forced to leave behind lucid dreaming? What if we *gained* lucid dreaming?

Is it better to live forever while lucid dreaming, creating adventures and then living them, or to live in reality, having adventures happen by the nature of life, and then sometimes even failing in them and then dieing cold, alone, and inbittered? I think I would choose reality above it all...but then I have never lucid dreamed, and I have never been given the choice to do anything but confront what I perceive is reality (even if I have questioned on occasion just what is real...it's easier to go with the present when my dreams are virtually non existent to my "consciousness").

Amazingly enough, I'm not even drunk while I meander on the subject of love...not this time. In fact I just now opened a beer and it's my first drink of the evening.

And I write a long entry like this, and for the first time, I wonder if there are some that would prefer me to use an lj-cut command? I'm content either way (your feedback is welcome). With my scant list of friends and journals I read here, i know that sometimes it can get to be a chore to scroll through so many entries--particually when some of the communities have the most VAPID intellectually dead posts half the time...sometimes I wish people would use an lj-cut command more often like the wonderfully intoxicating ;) jentwodoes. 

I did a couple dives today at a new site...southern tip of Okinawa this time. Hour+ drive and the *longest* frickin swim out to the drop down point but...yet all so worth it. Beautiful shade of blue, masses of fish unaccustomed to divers so as to be more friendly and accomidating and visibility in the 100+ foot range...not to mention an actually exciting crevice/channel ocean floor to swim through :) 

current mood:  curious
current music: U2 _Rattle and Hum_  
 
 

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