I've just sent a rather harsh email to sarah. She seems to me to want email, but not really appreciate it. Maybe I'm wrong, but that's what I told her. Hope she doesn't take it as badly as I know I would...

I could have gotten out of bed at 6:15AM this morning--and I really should have I suppose--fix my new sleep pattern for school...having a beer in the afternon always makes me sleepy, yesterday was no exception. One single solitary beer and I ended up pfalling asleep reading at about 11PM for good. I did watch Seinfeld last night however...although it seems a haze right now. Ben wrote about it in his journal, and that's the only reason I can even recall watching it...how rapidly our lives experiences leave us...

Got my last book yesterday--physics book. Sux cuz there is one big book they used to split into two...for the class I'm taking, you only need 2 chapters of that first split...when I took the class the first time, I bought the splits and sold back the first book...but now they only have the big books and not the splits, so i had to shell out $80...ouch. wasn't counting on that expendature. oh well.

I'm off my 1 book/2 days pattern...too sleepy to finish up the "covenant" chronicles last night...i'll probably get it done today--only another 200 pages or so. then a "Kane" book to read, and finally back to King...

It scared me to realize how much influenced my short stories have been by King (wow, really bad sentence structure on that one!) "Jobe" was quite "kingish" i was old, and so was "Rundown" in a way--very macabre, dark, gothic kind of fiction. Thsi new story is hitchcock/king I suppose...with a pynchon/vonnegut stylistic zing as well. That story is actually going well--I have some really neat ideas about where to go...too many in fact, I got to narrow it all down!

Still no call-backs about jobs. I'm getting *really* worried now. I pretty much found all the places that were hiring already. I won't know about the office asst job till monday--but that wait is just killing me. I really don't like pining all my hopes on that one...seems I'll be searching sill when school starts--a position I really don't like to be in. I might have to go back to delivery eventually...if not here in Arcat/Eureka, then the chinese place this summer--that will destroy my car, but I need the job--the income. I may be forced to look into student loans already--somethign I *really* don't want to have to do this early--I've still got a long ways to go and getting into loans now will just kill me once I'm finally done with school. I'm still not used to the fact that school starts tuesday..

There's got to be some kind of scholarship out there for me...I just haven't looked hard enough. I got some in high school, why can't I now? Maybe it's because there's just a bit too much competition now, out here in college...that's what everything fucking boils down to, competition. Fuck does it suck. There's just too many ppl here on this planet, in this country, in this county, in this city...even here where's it's small and civil...