Tori Amos 07.11.96
04.05.98
9:24
Sarah asked in her journal why we're reading. I paused there for a few minutes...OK, more like a few seconds than read through it the entry and came back and paused...but, it's sticking to me.
Honestly, what do I get out of reading other's journals? I could...and I just found this quote searching for a philosophers point of reference here...
On the Motive of Duty in relation to 'good will'
"When, on the contrary, disappointments and hopeless
misery have taken away the taste for life; when a wretched man, strong
in soul and more angered at his fate than fainthearted or cast down, longs
for death and still preserves his life without loving it---not from inclination
or fear but from duty; then indeed his maxim has a moral content"
Kant, Immanuel Groundwork of the metaphysics of Morals,
translated by H.J. Paton. New York: Harper & Row, 1964
I should see if that's online sometimes...if any such philosophical papers on online...
Back to the point...um...I have my journal, and it's reasons for being out there...like a cyper extension of myself...like staking my claim on a small piece in cyber space...Think it in terms of normal, everyday life..it's my apartment a few blocks down from safeway. I inhabit this electronic version of my own dwelling on Earth, a few hours a day. I greet visitors and have conversations...ask advice, trade stories, human interaction without the body to sometimes clutter it, yet usually require it--especially for comfort...a hug costs some us $2600 in plane fare 'n' such...and a hug cannot be transmitted over the internet....
I think Christa could really use a hug right now...but i shant *ask*...I don't want it misconstrued...
This journal is where I store my thoughts, my non physical form I can only create online...my "personality" if you will--usually, this would be the part of me you don't see IRL, this deep peronsal, aimless searching and ruminating, and pondering the world....more likely it's " nice chess move", "how's amber?"...I unload the baggage I can't onload IRL here...used to be no other place but here...now there's a place, a person IRL I can clean myself up and vent a little.
I'd like to see sarah again. I'd like to see Michael Timinelli again, I'd like to see Marc again. I'd liked to see Amy again. I'd like to see Joe agai. I'd like to see Ian again. I'd like to see Keith McClure again, I'd like to see Paul again, Alex again, Bran Le (sp? jeesh, how terrible), Becca, even Chris....so many faces I've lost, so many lives I've left in my physical form...i wonder how many of those distant friends ever wonder about me, think of me, like I do them on occassion.
SO why do I read another's persnson's journal...one like mine where the writer is troubled, lost, hurt, scared, wounded...is it my way of giving back my energy, my spiritual energy, my "love" as the _Celestine Prophecy_ would put it...Is it because it's more exciting than TV? I mean, hey, real life here in the form of journals can be more exciting than a soap drama--dramatic, insane, crazy things...so yeah, thats the "sarah congden" channel, that's the "glen vomacka" channel, that's the "maynard keenan" channel...am I just a glutton for punishment, I can't feel bad enough about my own life I have to experience someone else's misfortunes too? What about people would push everyone away like sarah? What possible comfort could I give, what emotion could I express. SO why do I read it? Fascination with sarah disease type thing here...am I just one of many then?
But then, I see good things on her horizon, I see her and cy, her finishing that school and finding a job and getting her feet back under her... then I'm happy again for her, and, in a weird way, for myself...I guess in that way the worry I shoulder balances itself out...
Or then again, is it just because it's interesting reading,
plain and simple?
Probably a mixture of all the above.
People like Chuck?, Dracie?, Ray?....etc I always find myself drawn to journalers who tend be frank, expilicit, and honest...they're workign out their own personalities there, or maybe just a naspect of it....they're putting up this troubles soul and ditching it's evils somewhat in the process for RL...is it an area affect thing then...put it online and then it ripples in the wind, touching down all over the world, sporaticly, randomly...filtering through into someone else's RL...diffused and easier to handle...it's a possibility? How much does one small part of the internet affect the rest? No, arguably, not very much as this point, unless it's a coroporation or search engine...etc. etc...major hitters out there...But then, if just *one* person reads just *one* other person's entry...that's a change caused in the world...someone out there knows *something* about the author, for good or for ill, for good opinion or bad opinion, whatever...
I wonder if twenty years from now this will be the norm, this online journal thing. I know the numbers of authors are growing, I just wonder if the birth/death ratio of journals has changed...a lot of ppl were walking in the door when I jumped into Open Pages...How many journals are there, out htere, at right this second? It's be interesting to know. My estimation is 1000 regularly updated (non"dead") pages, but I wouldn't be surprised if it was more. I would be more surprised if it was less actually...
Oh hell, that's right. I put a counter up on my page,
didn't I? I guess I should check it...see all of 20 hits since mid march...