PJ _Ten_ (Japanese Import w/ Bonus Track)
04.05.98
12:11AM
Becca's new boyfriend Josh is actually Christa's ex soul
mate...and I mean *soul* mate...she never fit with anyone like she fit
with josh.
Christa's a mystic or something...perfect timing brings things about for her...bidden or not. The whole thing just smacks of conspiricy it's so surreal...of all the people Rebecca would meet, in all the world, it's Christa's ex...and then that finding that ex would bring her to find me again, who just, in turn, found christa...shit it's so fucking maddening. How does shit like this really happen IRL? Life is turning into a collosal soap fucking opera.
This is truly a crazy tweeked out planet we live on.
SO I spent nearly all day with Christa. She needed someone
to talk with abou this whole thing...needs to write josh an email and make
a connection she's been both hoping for and dreading for over a year now...
She's happy and scared and confused all at the same time...I'm
just happy I could be the comfort she needs right now.
SO we talked, and we studied Structure of American English,
and we drank coffee and she smoked a few cigarettes--I held off on a few
offers but *did* cave on a few...my throat hurts and I want to hack up
a lung but it's just hanging back there...all this tea is helping but...I
just know I'm not going to sleep for shit tonight, and I'm going to wake
up tommorrow and want to just be dead...so I'm trying to stay up until
I can't possible keep my eyes open...maybe that will work. I need to take
a really long shower too.
Rebecca is happy
Josh seems to be happy
Christa *is* happy even though it's a torrent of emotions
that are attached as well
I'm happy although I'm pissed at my body
Things look good it seems.
I made a *lot* of tapes today...finished mike's tool tapes and he handed me a *fat* nug in thanks...stinky stinky but I'll kill my throat if I don't hold off on it...hope he didn't take it the wrong way that I didn't offer to share it with him right then...
Oh I just feel like shit. I don't *think* I have a fever...I dunno.
So, anyway, random thought for now: what's "better" excelling at one thing or being "good enough" at a wide variety of things?
12:36AM
I want to email becca back again...we've already gone
through five exchanges...but I can't do that until I know Christa and Josh
have made their correspondance...I know, it's a silly, trivial thing to
think, but I can't help it...I just feel too weird emailing to josh's account
a note for becca b4 christa emails to josh's account for josh...Christa
tol me I was being silly, but that nagging thought remains...