Tool 11.14.96

05.23.98
9:32PM

I'm wondering if this is too early to be writing this...could be someone might try to call...my mother perhaps...or maybe she'll call tommorrow.
Been pouring through a lot of powerful emotions lately...this and hell. Hell is not a hyperlink as ther should exist no hyperlink to hell...they ask of us 'trespassers' there at least that much courtesy...
I wonder just how people get invited into such a private web...obviously intelligent individuals with a concept in mind...the concept of internet future and it's implications/tools....

the place you NEED to go is HELL.COM/EXHIBIT...and perhaps even telling that much is not so respectfull of me...

The two sites have packed quite a wallup to my perceptions of reality, to say the least...they have shocked me back into thinking of journals as havin a definate purpose, or a story to tell, of a way to tell it...things this journals has been lacking lately. i semi-justfy it by keeping these less than 'usefull' entries short and to the point...it's hard to say nothing when you have nothing to really say sometimes...that might sound weird, but it is making total sense for me...

Defective is a cheesy poem, really, even I don't like it much...spoken aloud it holds little of the character I envision for it...i have the wrong voice, both physical and literary for that poem...but i wrote it anyhow.
Right now Shell doesn't deserve efforts i'm takin with it...but i care little for what deserves what on that front....
I was wondering if i should write some background music for these spoken word pieces...a little trumpet bleating or 'background' vocalizations...i've tried it before and it can get super trite really quickly...

"prying open my third eye" TOOL

I was at a chat room again last night, spacebar...sorry don't have the link handy right now...browse through the site linked to herein (earlier) if you need to find your way to it...have met some very intellectual individuals and worth talking to...a rarity in many chat rooms I've seen...actuall meaningfull/intellectual discussions...of course i've missed a lot of the rooms out there, so I'm a bad judge...

The Kinetic Sculpture Race starting this noon was kinda neat...bunch of amphibious, human power vehicles...one was wedge of cheese, one a chuck wagon and bicycles pulling it, one a giant pea pod, one a big beetle...and various others...the most advertised was the septic tank collage yellow submarine...which I thought was slow as heck...

Probably the largest gathering I;d ever seen at the Arcata Plaza...I heard they put a quickcam up there...I wonder if it was broadcasting the event...need to look for it suppose...tuesday when the computer lab is open again...did hell at greg's...

Petrified Forest will be visible monday and tuesday at the sever low tides then...around 7/8 AM...probably going to see it w/ greg...sounds neat...

I think what's going to happen is I'l get several more free pages and use them just for the audio files...see how many of them cancel my page over summer while they never get updated and referenced as simple storage spaces...

Speaking of storage spaces...didn’t quite realize just how much that was gonna cost over summer...turns out about $120...bummer. At least car registration is under one hundred....

I wore all black with a white highlights on me today...white type on my 'religions of the world' shirt (you know, Taoism: shit happens, zen, Islamic, Christian, etc.) and white from the black and white checkered flannel...black jeans I actually got handed down from my father...
I'm wearing my father's pants...what a symbolic idea, just about...

almost done packing...its always a sad thought looking at my room for a year and realizing it will never be mine again...that i'm moving on to new grounds...what did i learn from living here...I wonder. the joy in more privacy...the security in being off campus and away from all the peer pressure and partying...what it means to be completely dependent on my self for cooking...no more parents, no more "j"...buy it or cook it...the dependence i will always have on cooking leftovers (which actually is only just intensified, having been learned many years ago)...how life involves sacrifice on a daily basis and the destruction that can result for failing to give something up or miss out on something...how lonely I can really get and how self absorbed I can become...what's it like to not have a large place to 'hang out' just outside...how much I love my covered parking spot and hate to be giving up...how interconnected the world is...how to be more comfortbale with the thought of people having sex...of other people having sex (particually one wall away)...how a good walk can soothe the soul and quiet the demons...the ease of using a shell account for html coding...

And there are things about what I learned while I lived here....a whole nother can of worms...things like self-reliance, just how real pain is and how it affects too many people... the non-uniqueness of each and every one of us...just how much I love my father and how much I will miss my parents...just how easy it is to regret time lost and how youth fades...

just how much each and every one of us need each other, deep down if neccessary, but needing still...

_The Importance of Being Earnest_...which isn't quite right since I read the play many years ago...but the point is my lack of subtlety perception...but i do believe it's starting to get a bit better...not enough to actually mean something, perhaps, but still somewhat.

10:10PM