Metamorposeseglecticusallimungherberri:

A brief history of his worship

I just invented him about three minutes ago, so he's relatively new. He is the god of spoon bending. His most famous worshipper is the self-proclaimed twat, Uri Geller.

Metamorposeseglecticusallimungherberri was the offspring from the arranged marriage of Pontefractasmusoliveidinaporrigedea, who was the goddess of curtain hooks, and Seridusmagnusphallusconglomeratigatedicustappicus, the god of happy trout.

When Metamorposeseglecticusallimungherberri was born, his mother assumed the shape of a shaggy dog with orange eyebrows in order to be able to draw attention to herself - shaggy dogs giving birth to deities was not an ordinary occurence in ancient Gosforth, where the cult of Metamorposeseglecticusallimungherberri originated. Seridusmagnusphallusconglomeratigatedicustappicus was not at the birth, as he was too busy giving his purple hamster a bath. Pontefractasmusoliveidinaporrigedea also did not want to be present at the birth, but the biological circumstances would not allow this.

When he was a young man, Metamorposeseglecticusallimungherberri was a skilled home economist, and his skills in this field drew him towards his future wife, Sharon, who couldn't be arsed with the housework. When the two married, Metamorposeseglecticusallimungherberri's parents were outraged, as he wanted to marry a mere human. Therefore, Metamorposeseglecticusallimungherberri cooked them a mean spaghetti bolognese, and they soon changed their minds.

When they were wed, Sharon changed her name, out of politeness, to SharonatticularmattressicacouscouswifeofMetamorposeseglecticusallimungherberri. This was a bugger to all her relatives, who couldn't fit her name on the Christmas cards. She became the Minor Goddess Of Fly Sweat, and as a celebration of her marriage, stopped all flies from sweating that day. However, this turned to tragedy - heat built up inside the flies, and made them explode. Therefore, seeing as there were no flies left to be the goddess of their sweat, she became the Minor Goddess Of Airplane Sick Bags.

Whilst his wife dealt with Extinct Fly Sweat, Metamorposeseglecticusallimungherberri honed his skills to become the deadliest home economist in the land. He took on all comers, beating them down with his knowledge of Indian Rogan Josh, and his strawberry couli was impossible to defend against.

Metamorposeseglecticusallimungherberri and SharonatticularmattressicacouscouswifeofMetamorposeseglecticusallimungherberri soon had a baby, whom they named Striplexhardcorepornmovie . He grew up like his father, excelling in the culinary arts. However, tragedy struck on the day of Striplexhardcorepornmovie's deification. A grand contest between father and son took place in the kitchen of Aaaaaaaaaaaaargh, competing to discover who could create the greatest rice pudding. However, Striplexhardcorepornmovie laced his father's pudding with dog piss, hoping to sway the judges. However, the dog had rabies, and when his father tested the pudding, he foamed at the mouth, and dropped down quite, quite dead.

His son confessed to the brutal murder of his father, and was banished to the Lost Realm of Tubbycustard. He pleaded for forgiveness from his father's spirit, who responded by cursing Striplexhardcorepornmovie with floaters for the rest of his existence.

However, the spirit of Metamorposeseglecticusallimungherberri was preserved in a colindar, and to this day his worshippers wait until the day that the Holy Colindar of Metamorposeseglecticusallimungherberri returns to guide them to the Lost Realm of Tubbycustard, where he shall be reunited with his son.

Guide to pronunciation

Metamorposeseglecticusallimungherberri [Metta-more-po-sees-segg-lect-ih-kus-alley-mungher-berry]

Pontefractasmusoliveidinaporrigedea [Pontey-fract-ass-mus-o--lived-in-a-porrige-day-aah]

Seridusmagnusphallusconglomeratigatedicustappicus [Seridd-us-magnus-fal-us-con-glomer-a-ti-gate-dick-us-tap-ih-cus]

SharonatticularmattressicacouscouswifeofMetamorposeseglecticusallimungherberri [Sharon-attic-you-larr-mat-ress-ick-ah-cous-cous-wife-of-Metta-more-po-sees-segg-lect-ih-kus-alley-mungher-berry]

Striplexhardcorepornmovie [Strip-ell-ecks-har-dcor-porn-movee]

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