ROSALIE KNOPFScene Seven

Scene Seven

The back porch of Diane’s home, Thursday night. Like most back porches in this area, it has usurped the salience of the living room. Everything about it is bright, expensive and uncluttered—a striking antithesis to the Knopf home.

At the moment, the rattan furniture has been stacked to one side to make way for the seven girls spread out amid the sheets and the blankets. Quilts have been placed on the tile floor to protect the girls from the hardness and the coldness. Dishes of pretzels and potato chips and bottles of soda have been dispersed over the quilts to protect the girls from any possible oral inactivity. Moonlight floods the stage, and outside the screens we can see a few indolent coconut palms.

From left to right, there are DODIE HUFFMAN, ZONA SPAULDING, BABS KIMBROUGH, DIANE, BETTY CLAIRE, EVIE CLAPP and SHARLENE. All, except Sharlene, are attractive in varying degrees.

DIANE, BABS and ZONA are smoking. SHARLENE is coughing.

ZONA Quit coughing, Sharlene, and let Diane finish.

SHARLENE

I can ‘t help it…with all this awful smoke. I don ‘t see why you all have to smoke anyway.

ZONA

Oh, cut it out.

DIANE

Sharlene, for the last time, my house is the one house where those who want to smoke can smoke, and if your little Baptist mind insists on condemning it, from now on stay home. (ALL THE GIRLS, except DODIE, turn to Sharlene with looks of admonition. SHARLENE gives a tiny defiant cough before she settles back and pouts.) ZONA Go ahead, Diane. What else did she say?

DIANE

That’s all. Just that she was going to the movies tonight with Margot.

BABS

I’ve never heard of anything so ungrateful. After all the debate we had about whether or not to even ask her.

ZONA

I think we all ought to give up. I mean, who cares if Margot gets her or not?

BETTY CLAIRE

Golly, Zona, none of us cares about Rosalie. She’s not important. It’s what’ll happen to the boys…

DODIE

What will happen to the boys?

BETTY CLAIRE

They’ll go over to Margot’s side.

DODIE

Oh, Betty Claire.

BETTY CLAIRE

But they will. Do you know what Chuck told me just this afternoon?

DODIE

What did Chuck tell you?

BETTY CLAIRE

That Ham’s going to give Rosalie his Key Club pin the night of the Christmas Dance.

ZONA

You’re not serious!

BETTY CLAIRE

I’m dead serious. His Key Club pin. And if Margot gets Rosalie, she gets Ham and Ham means Chuck, and Chuck means Biff and Biff means Bus and before you know we’ll all have to be datin’ Bobby Wascow and David Dubin.

EVIE

Poor Ham.

DIANE

I’ll still bet you any amount of money Chuck put him up to it from the beginning.

BETTY CLAIRE

Oh, Diane. We’ve been all through that.

DIANE

Don’t defend him because you’re dying to get his Key Club pin.

BETTY CLAIRE

It’s not that. It’s not that at all. Golly, Rosalie’s brother is Art Knopf!

BABS

Well, I didn’t want to mention this before because I know how you feel about her, Diane, but Mrs. Fell said something very true when I as having lunch with her this afternoon.

DIANE

That woman talks too much.

BABS

Now let me finish, Diane. She said it’ll look mighty odd if Rosalie suddenly shows up at the Christmas Dance with Ham now that everyone in the school knows her brother is Art Knopf. She said it’ll look as though we’re playing up to her for that reason only.

DODIE

Well, aren‘t we?

DIANE

Go on, Babs.

BABS

She said we ought to give her a preliminary build up like movie studios do to starlets. They don’t give them a big role in a big picture at first. They sort of groom them. And they don’t go around dating Tab Hunter when they first hit town. They start with people like Race Gentry. And that’s what we ought to do with Rosalie, she said.

ZONA

In just three weeks?

BABS

We can do as much as we can.

ZONA

How?

BABS

Well, there’s a Pep Club dance next Friday. We get someone to take her.

ZONA

But who else besides Ham Hudson is planning on going to the University of Oklahoma?

DIANE

Babs is right. that’s what we have to do with Rosalie…groom her. Now, for God’s sakes don’t anyone tell Rosalie we know who her brother is. As far as we’re concerned Chuck never saw his picture in Rosalie’s looker. And, Zona, please tell the whole staff of that crummy school paper of yours not a word of publicity until after the Christmas Dance.

DODIE

I think this is all cruel.

DIANE

Cruel?!

DODIE

Rosalie is a very shy and sensitive girl, and I think she’s going to get terribly hurt.

SHARLENE

Shy and sensitive? She’s out of her mind.

ZONA

Either that…or she’s playing a very shrewd game.

EVIE

She still rides her bike to school.

ZONA

All this about being afraid of American cars…and all the sex-fiends on the road.

EVIE

She brings her lunch to school in a grocery bag.

DODIE

Well, I sit at the same table with her in study hall, and I’ve gotten to know her better than most people. I feel terribly sorry for her.

DIANE

Then, Dodie, it you feel so sorry for her how come you’ve never eaten lunch with her or invited her out to your house?

DODIE

Oh, Diane. You should read some of her composition papers. She showed me one just last month. It was called "The Last of Anne Boleyn", and it was just as touching as it could be.

BETTY CLAIRE

Mrs. Fell said it was just awful.

DODIE

There was this one part where Henry the Eighth was so inconsiderate he kept leaving his chicken bones lying about the castle, and one of Anne’s little children…with rosy cheeks and blonde ringlets…slipped on a wishbone and fractured his skull and died.

SHARLENE

What’s so touching about that?

DODIE

That’s very touching. Maybe I didn’t explain it right.

SHARLENE

All those who find it touching raise their right hand. (ALL hands remain down, except Dodie’s.) DODIE Well, whether it’s touching or not, Rosalie is still a human being, and I think this is cruel.

DIANE

It isn’t cruel at all. We’re trying to help her.

DODIE

Oh, Diane…

DIANE

Shall we put it to a vote? All those in favor of grooming Rosalie Knopf raise their right hand.

(ALL hands go up except Dodie’s and Sharlene’s.)

DODIE

I guess we groom Rosalie.

DIANE

Now first of all there’s no reason in the world why she can’t look like a human being, and there’s no reason in world why we can’t help her.

ZONA

Yes, but how?

DIANE

Get her a date to the Pep Club dance as Babs said…get rid of her glasses…get her hair styled…buy her new clothes. They do it in the movies.

BETTY CLAIRE

Golly, that’s a super idea!

ZONA

But they have Natalie Wood to work with, not Rosalie Knopf.

BABS

She doesn’t have to look like Natalie Wood when we’re through…just as long as she doesn’t look like Rosalie Knopf.

DODIE

But where do we get the money?

DIANE

We’ll get Rickie’s father to fit her with contact lenses at a discount. And Mother knows the owner of the Shoe Mart. The manager of Hanahan’s Boutique has quite a past that my father knows about, so we can surely get a deal on some decent dresses. And Babs…Josef is mad for you…won’t he fix her hair for practically nothing?

BABS

I’ll ask him, Diane.

EVIE

But she’s so peculiar. After what you and Betty Claire and Sharlene have told us about the last few days, how do we know she’ll let you do all this?

DIANE

Nonsense, if you looked and dressed like Rosalie Knopf, wouldn’t you let us do it?

SHARLENE

There’s no telling with that monster.

DODIE

It’s still going to take money.

DIANE

Don’t worry about money. I’ll take care of that.

DODIE

But it’ll cost a fortune.

DIANE

What do you think my father owns lumber yards all over the whole damned state of Michigan for?

BETTY CLAIRE

You know what else we can do?

BABS

What?

BETTY CLAIRE

We can get her daddy a school to be principal of.

ZONA

We can?

BETTY CLAIRE

Mrs. Fell told we that they have practically no money ever since Rosalie’s daddy was forced to resign from the school he was principal of in Boston.

EVIE

Forced to resign?

BETTY CLAIRE

Because o’ the gangs in the school. They got so bad the Board of Education ordered him to confiscate all the knives and forks in the school cafeteria, and he refused. So they forced him to resign.

EVIE

Well, I declare!

ZONA

But you just can’t get a school like that.

BETTY CLAIRE

Biff’s daddy is truant officer o’ the whole county. Maybe he can do somethin’.

DIANE

The devil with Biff’s daddy. My daddy plays poker with the Governor.

BETTY CLAIRE

Please, Diane. ‘Cause Mrs. Fell says that Rosalie’s daddy keeps givin’ those lectures all over the state to make some money, and his audiences keep gettin’ smaller and smaller. You know what else we can do?

DIANE

What?

BETTY CLAIRE

We can have a party for her. We can have it out at Hanahan’s Hideaway a week before the Christmas Dance.

BABS

What kind of party?

BETTY CLAIRE

Just a party.

BABS

But you can’t have a party without calling it something.

BETTY CLAIRE

We can call it a "Because You’re You" party,

EVIE

A "Because You’re You" party!

ZONA

(satirically)
A "Because You’re Rosalie Knopf" party.

DIANE

I think that’s an absolutely wonderful idea, Betty Claire.

BETTY CLAIRE

We can have it two weeks from tonight…the same night Margot’s giving her party for the Orlando football team.

BABS

But that still doesn’t solve the problem of the date to the Pep Club dance,

ZONA

Who can we get with enough courage to face it?

BETTY CLAIRE

It can’t be Chuck.

ZONA

And it certainly won’t be Dick.

BABS

And Bus is already taken.

DIANE

Jimmy!

SHARLENE

Jimmy! My Jimmy!

DIANE

Your Jimmy.

SHARLENE

Oh, no! Not my Jimmy!

DIANE

It’s only for one little old dance.

SHARLENE

I don’t care.

DIANE

But the Pep Club dance isn’t important.

SHARLENE

Then if it isn’t important get Rickie or Chuck or Biff.

DIANE

But Rickie and Chuck and Biff are just like Tab Hunter. We’ve got to find a Race Gentry.

SHARLENE

Well, not Jimmy.

DIANE

He’s the only one. He’s the only Race Gentry in the whole Junior Class.

SHARLENE

That’s not fair. Jimmy and I are almost going steady.

DIANE

You’re not afraid Rosalie might take him away from you, are you?

SHARLENE

0f course not! But it’s not fair. It’s just not fair! It’s not fair!

DIANE

Don’t get hysterical, for Christ’s sake. We’ll put it to a vote. How many of you think Jimmy ought to take Rosalie to the Pep Club dance next Friday night? (All hands raise except, once again, DODIE’S and SHARLENE’S.) DIANE Then Jimmy takes Rosalie to the Pep Club dance.

SHARLENE

No, he doesn’t!

DIANE

We did it fairly. We voted.

SHARLENE

I don’t care it you voted or not. You can’t have Jimmy. You can’t have Jimmy for your lousy old plot.

DIANE

We voted, Sharlene.

SHARLENE

I don’t care.

DIANE

We voted, Sharlene, and Jimmy is taking Rosalie to the Pep Club dance.

SHARLENE

You’re not frightening me, Diane Wolfe. I don’t care about your old personal feud with Margot. I just don’t care!

DIANE

Sharlene…

SHARLENE

It was never like this last year. Or in the eighth or the ninth grade. We never had to worry about freaks like Rosalie Knopf. And we never had to worry about snubbing people we used to invite to our parties. We all snubbed the same people in the eighth grade. And that’s how it was when my sister went to Mineola and even when my mother went. It used to be lots of fun…but just because of a filthy conversation in the girls’ locker room…

BETTY CLAIRE

Hush up, Sharlene.

SHARLENE

I won’t hush up.

DIANE

Don’t hush up. By all means go ahead. ‘Just because of a filthy conversation in the girls’ looker room’…

SHARLENE

Yes, a filthy conversation! You think we don’t know what you said…

ZONA

Oh, Sharlene, sit down.

SHARLENE

Margot had every right to tell Mrs. Fell. Margot’s a good Baptist, and it was disgusting!

DODIE

Sharlene, this kind of thing does absolutely no good.

DIANE

What was disgusting?

SHARLENE

What you said.

DIANE

What did we say?

SHARLENE

All about…about… You told everybody Margot made it all up…but we know you! We know the dirty things you say all the time and how you take the Lord’s name in vain!

DIANE

What did I say, Sharlene?

SHARLENE

How if a hebe sailor went to bed with a Chink woman, they’d have oblong babies with strange-looking you-know-whats.

DODIE

Sharlene!

SHARLENE

People shouldn’t talk about things like that until after they’re married!
(beginning to bawl)
The Little Baby Jesus is watching you! He’s watching you and taking down everything you say. And some day you’re gonna stand before Him, and He’s gonna spit at you from His crib in the manger!

DIANE

Are you quite finished? When you’re through wailing, I’d like to say something. All right? Whatever happened between Margot and myself makes absolutely no difference at the moment. I didn’t ask anyone to come to my side, particularly you, Sharlene. I am glad to say that my real friends stuck by me. Although from the expressions on their faces, it seems they have heard that ridiculous story before. However, there is a story…a true story…they haven’t heard. Perhaps the girls would like to know of a little incident which took place in Mr. Bronson’s English class at the end of last term.

SHARLENE

Diane, you wouldn’t!

DIANE

Well, girls. It seems that…how old were you, Sharlene? Almost sixteen, weren’t you? You wouldn’t think a sixteen year old girl…

SHARLENE

Diane, don’t! You promised you’d never tell! Only you saw me! Please, Diane, please!

DIANE

As I was saying…it was. after all, the last period and I guess poor Sharlene simply couldn’t hold it in…

SHARLENE

Don’t! Margot lied! Everyone knows she lied! The Little Baby Jesus won’t spit at you from His crib in the manger! I didn’t mean those things! I just said them because everything used to seem so different. That’s the only reason. Forgive me. Please forgive me!

DIANE

Come here. Who is going to ask Rosalie to the Pep Club Dance, Sharlene?

SHARLENE

Jimmy.

DIANE

And when is Jimmy going to ask Rosalie?

SHARLENE

Tomorrow.

DIANE

And aren’t you going to ask Jimmy to ask Rosalie tomorrow?

SHARLENE

Yes.

DIANE

And who is going to make the "Because You’re You" party for Rosalie at Hanahan’s Hideaway two weeks from tonight?

SHARLENE

Who?

DIANE

You, Sharlene. You.

LIGHTS DIM