Randomatific!

    THE GLASS doors at the entrance to the lobby swung inward, and a young woman, her orange hair in twin pigtails on the side of her head, walked in.  She glanced around out of habit, vaguely hoping someone with some sense had at least made some headway in organizing the lobby. As per usual, no one had, and the thought left her head as quickly as it had entered.   She pulled a keycard out of her pocked and greeted a receptionist as she made her way toward the elevator.  Seconds later, she walked face first into a glass door.
    The receptionist looked up at the sudden noise.  "Hey, Jenny, seems you found the new door," she said.
    Jenny peeled herself off the glass and turned to glare at the receptionist.  "Ow, who put that there?"
    "Boss-man did.  Figured it would increase security."
    "Yeah?" Jenny shifter her gaze back to the door. "He thinks we need more?"
    The receptionist shrugged.  "Guess so.  Passcode's 3-4-1-2."
    "3412, got it."  Jenny entered the code into the keypad.  The lock beeped, and the doors swung inward.  She walked over to the elevator and pressed the 'UP' button.
    "Hey, Jenny?"  A voice from above her head asked.
    "Yeah?"  Jenny replied.  She was somewhat used to being interrupted like this.
    "Could you come up to my office for a minute?  I need to talk to you."
    Jenny thought for a minute, trying to decide if there was anything she had done recently that would have gotten her into trouble.  Nope, nothing she could think of.  Probably another rant.  For some reason, she always seemed to be the one he called into his office to rant to.  Oh well.  "Yeah, sure."
    The elevator doors opened, and Jenny stepped inside.
    FLOOR 42.  A place where few dared venture.  A place known and feared for its pure and utter randomness.  A place where the head of Randomatica, Ltd. sat, spinning in his office chair.  Well, so much for drama and intimidation.
    The head of Randomatica, Ltd. was not a normal person.  In practically any sense of the term.  He did at least look relatively normal from a distance.  He had more or less the correct number of heads and limbs, at least.  However, once you actually looked at him, you'd realize a few things.  His skin, for instance, was (to most people) entirely the wrong shade of green, not to mention being scaly as opposed to smooth.  Also of note was his tail.  However, most likely to be noticed had to be the stangely crocodilian head on top of the more-or-less humanoid body.
    He continued spinning for a bit, stopping only when he heard the elevator chime from somewhere down the hall.  Immediately, he stopped, stood up, and started to pick up a few things that had been knocked over. He sat back down at his desk, straightening a few things and somehow managing to look completely professional just before there was a knock at his door.
    "Come in," he said in a completely unreptilian voice.  
    Jenny opened the door and stepped into the office, closing the door behind her.  "You called for me?"
    "Yeah, have a seat.  You may need it."
    "Yeah?  Why's that?" she asked, taking a seat across the desk from the crocodile.
    "Well... here, let me show you something."  He turned his computer's LCD monitor so that she could see it as well.  Currently, the image onscreen was a line graph of something that seemed to have taken a turn for the worse.  "This is a chart of our website's hits."  Jenny nodded.  This was the fifth time this month he'd brought this up.  "As you can see, they're falling.  We're losing our audience."
    "Yes, I know,"  Jenny said, trying not to let too much annoyance creep into her voice.  "You have any plans for countering this?"
    "Well, no, not really... I was kind of hoping you would."
    Jenny stared at him for a moment.  <Figures,> she thought.
    "Although," NK3D continued, "I do have a theory on the cause."
    Jenny looked up.  This was bound to be interesting.
    NK3D pressed a key on his keyboard, and the image on the screen switched to another line graph, this one seeming to be on the rise.  To Jenny, it looked rather like an upside-down version of the previous chart, but she kept her comments to herself.
    "This is a chart of the hits to another site, namely Uncreative Productions."
    Jenny struggled to keep something approaching a straight face, and resisted commenting on how NK was an idiot for attempting to compare two different website's hits like this.  It was quite clearly madness, but Jenny had had practice with this, and managed well enough.  "...So, what are you saying?"
    "Well, isn't it obvious?"  NK asked, surprised she hadn't caught on.  "Uncreativity has been working black magic to draw our visitors to her site! ...or maybe shamanism... hmm..."
    Jenny gaped at him for a moment.  Things were now starting to reach new levels of idiocy, and if something wasn't done soon, who knew what could happen?  Weakly, without much hope, she tried talking some form of sense into him.  "Uh... maybe it's because she tends to upda--"
    "There must be something I'm overlooking here..." NK said, not showing any sign he'd heard her.  " "But what?  Hmmm...."  He stood up and started pacing back and forth. 
    Jenny stood up, hoping that might cause him to pay a least a little attention to her. "Um...," she began, "maybe we could--"
    "THAT'S IT!"  NK suddenly shouted, causing Jenny to lose her balance and fall over backwards.  Maybe it was just the bump on the head talking, but she decided that maybe staying on the ground to hear his idea might not be that bad of an idea.  NK had taken no notice of the fact that she had fallen, and had in fact wandered to a window behind his desk.
    "So, what's this idea of yours?" Jenny asked from the floor.
    "Why, I'm so very glad you asked.  We're going to..."  Here, he whirled around to face her for dramatic effect, "...attack Uncreative Productions."
    Jenny was suddenly very glad she had decided to stay on the ground.  "W-W-w-What?!"  she managed to say, pushing herself up into a sitting position.
    "Attack Uncreative Productions," NK said in the same tone of voice one would say 'The weather is nice today' or 'Today is Thursday.'
    "Oh, I knew it," Jenny muttered, lying back down on the ground. 
    "Something wrong?" NK asked, peering over his desk at her.
    "Oh, nothing," Jenny said, pushing herself back up into a sitting position.
    "Well, you can't just sit around all day,"  NK3D said, walking around his desk and stopping in front of Jenny.  He held a reptilian hand out toward her.  She grabbed it and pulled herself up to her feet. 
    "Yeah, I suppose not," she said, sighing.  "So, what do I need to do?"
    "Amass me an army.  We're going to need one if this campaign is to be successful."
    "An..army?"
    "Yeah, army."
    "Okay, this probably sounds stupid, but where am I getting recruits from?"
    NK stared at her for a moment, as if she'd gone batty.  <Perhaps she has gone batty,> he thought.  <Shame, too.  Wonder if it's because the upper floors aren't random enough...>
    "Um... hello?" Jenny asked, waving a hand in front of NK's face.
    "Oh, hello," he replied.
    "Where am I getting recruits?" she repeated.
    "Oh, that.  You can use anyone that works here, of course, and also... you'll have free access to the Naktronix Plot Hole Generator."
    Jenny's eyes lit up.  "Really?" she asked, not quite believing what she had heard. 
    "Yeah, sure.  Just make sure not to screw up continuities too much with it."
    "Oh, I'll be careful," Jenny said hurriedly.  Then she remembered NK kept the Plot Hole generators locked up, for safety reasons.  The generators were the main reasons for security in the building.  "U-um... keys?"
    "Oh, right,"  he said, tossing a key ring to her. "Key--"
    "Key 3509, I know."
    "Er.. quite.  Oh, here."  He tossed a clipboard onto the desk in front of Jenny.  On it was a list of names and numbers.  "That might help.  Listed are a few people I'd really like for you to get.  Below that top page is a list of DimCodes that might come in handy."
    Jenny picked up the clipboard and looked over the top page.  "Oh, thanks!"
    "No problem... I think that's about it.  Dismissed, and good luck!"
    "Thanks again!" Jenny said as she opened the office door.
    "Oh, one more thing!"  NK called after her.
    "Yeah?"
    "Try not to bother me for the next hour or so, I've got a few calls to make."
    "Alright.  I'll tell the others, too."
    "Thanks.  Dismissed."
    After the door closed, NK sat back in his chair and picked up the Vidphone handset.  He pushed a series of numbers into the keypad, and proceeded to wait.