Randomatific!
C.2.0
She clicked 'Reconnect.'BUT FIRST ,
a note.
This part of this fic was written a while ago, back when UC truly did have a horrid connection, so this bit is a bit outdated. But I'm not rewriting it.
UNCREATIVE PRODUCTIONS. A place of obsessive fandom and insane parodies. It was also a place of horrid Internet connections, despite being located entirely within the 'Net itself. (Uncreative Productions is also sometimes a place of little logical sense, though in this case the moral might very well be "you get what you pay for.")
Deep within the structure, with her attention completely wrapped up in her computer, was Uncreativity herself. Though she was sometimes revered as a god, that didn't stop her Internet connection from royally invoking her wrath time and time again. This was, of course, one of those times.
"Go on, damn you, upload faster..." she muttered at the progress bar which was showing how far her current Donut Girls update was clicking along. Incidentally, the bar was also doing a fine job as a Rageometer. OR rather, it was, until for some reason it slowed down. UC glared at the bar. IT picked up speed for a moment, then stopped moving altogether.
"No, damn you, keep going!"
The bar stopped completely and a message box appeared on screen, reading: "ERROR: Upload Timeout.":
"Piece of SHIT connection!" she spat, leaning back in her desk chair with enough force to send it rolling back a few inches on its little wheels. She glared at the message box for a second, then sat up in her char, and pulled herself back up to the desk. She reached up to her speaker's volume control and turned up the volume just in time to catch Megumi Hayashibara singing the words "Get Along, Try Again."
"Yeah, easy for you to say," she muttered. More out of habit than of hope of success, she tried again. Shortly after the transfer started, however...
This part of this fic was written a while ago, back when UC truly did have a horrid connection, so this bit is a bit outdated. But I'm not rewriting it.
<!-- COL; NewLoc = "Uncreative Productions"
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UNCREATIVE PRODUCTIONS. A place of obsessive fandom and insane parodies. It was also a place of horrid Internet connections, despite being located entirely within the 'Net itself. (Uncreative Productions is also sometimes a place of little logical sense, though in this case the moral might very well be "you get what you pay for.")
Deep within the structure, with her attention completely wrapped up in her computer, was Uncreativity herself. Though she was sometimes revered as a god, that didn't stop her Internet connection from royally invoking her wrath time and time again. This was, of course, one of those times.
"Go on, damn you, upload faster..." she muttered at the progress bar which was showing how far her current Donut Girls update was clicking along. Incidentally, the bar was also doing a fine job as a Rageometer. OR rather, it was, until for some reason it slowed down. UC glared at the bar. IT picked up speed for a moment, then stopped moving altogether.
"No, damn you, keep going!"
The bar stopped completely and a message box appeared on screen, reading: "ERROR: Upload Timeout.":
"Piece of SHIT connection!" she spat, leaning back in her desk chair with enough force to send it rolling back a few inches on its little wheels. She glared at the message box for a second, then sat up in her char, and pulled herself back up to the desk. She reached up to her speaker's volume control and turned up the volume just in time to catch Megumi Hayashibara singing the words "Get Along, Try Again."
"Yeah, easy for you to say," she muttered. More out of habit than of hope of success, she tried again. Shortly after the transfer started, however...
"Dammit!" She slammed her fist down on the desk, and
instantly regretted it. Perfect time for the videophone to ring, right?
So it did.
UC leaned over and pressed the "Hand-Free" button on the vidphone. The video screen flickered to life, revealing NK3D's grinning face.
"NK3D?" UC asked, somewhat surprised.
"The very same," NK replied. "Anyway, I just called to let you know we're at war."
"War?" UC blinked. "Who's at war?"
"We are. Or rather, I've declared war on you."
UC blinked again, attempting to figure out why the hell NK3D would be doing this. After a brief moment, she decided she had no idea. "So... why are you doing this?"
Now it was NK3D's turn to blink in confusion. "You mean you don't know?"
"No!"
"Simple. You site gets more hits than mine, and I WON'T STAND FOR IT ANYMORE!!" By this point, NK had, in fact, stood up. He pointed an accusing finger at the screen. "Don't try to deny it, I know better! You've been working with the Dark Side, haven't you? Or may it's Black Magic! Don't think you can fool me!"
"A war, huh?" said a voice from over UC's left shoulder. "Sounds like fun."
NK gaped at the screen. He was dead certain Yuffie had not been standing behind UC two paragraphs ago, but now she was. That wasn't the worst part, though...
"Aren't you... dead?" NK asked.
"Dead?" Yuffie repeated, confused. "What are you..." Realization hit. "Oh, you mean that Uscit Tami wrote?"
The forth wall took a considerable hit. No one noticed.
"CONTINUITY, DIFFERENT." stated Fujin, who had managed to spontaneously appear behind UC's right shoulder.
"Stop doing that!" NK complained.
"What?" all on UC's side of the connection asked.
"Oh, never mind."
"Anyway, U, we've got some planning to do for this war..."
Despite the fact that the war idea was a good idea, Fujin wasn't sure about agreeing with Yuffie on it. "NEGATIVE. WORK."
"On what?" Yuffie countered. "Can't mean school work..."
"WEBSITE. DONUT GIRLS. SOMETHING."
"Well, can't really do that if everything times out, now can we?"
NK cut in. "Hey, UC, why do you keep those two around, anyway? Can't you decide anything for yourself?"
All three on UC's end of the connection shot NK a look.
"...Right, forgot who I was talking about for a second." NK said. "In any case, I'm setting a time of attack for 2 PM sharp, exactly one week from today. I suggest you stop bickering and start planning. Or, at least, bicker about the plan."
"What's the point of the war, anyway? I mean, what'll happen if I lose?" UC asked.
"Something horrible. I think. I dunno, I haven't really decided yet. But when I do, watch out!"
"...Not very good at threats, are you?"
"Shut up. Anyway, remember, 2PM. One week from today. And please... don't sleep through it, okay?" With that, NK closed the connection.
"Sounds to me like he's bored," UC mused.
"Yeah, ya think? Can't say I blame him, though. It has been dull around here."
"REASON," Fujin stated. "UC LAZY."
"Hey!" UC protested. "It's not as if you guys have had any decent ideas."
"NEGATIVE. WEBSITE, WORK."
"Webite's fine for now."
UC leaned over and pressed the "Hand-Free" button on the vidphone. The video screen flickered to life, revealing NK3D's grinning face.
"NK3D?" UC asked, somewhat surprised.
"The very same," NK replied. "Anyway, I just called to let you know we're at war."
"War?" UC blinked. "Who's at war?"
"We are. Or rather, I've declared war on you."
UC blinked again, attempting to figure out why the hell NK3D would be doing this. After a brief moment, she decided she had no idea. "So... why are you doing this?"
Now it was NK3D's turn to blink in confusion. "You mean you don't know?"
"No!"
"Simple. You site gets more hits than mine, and I WON'T STAND FOR IT ANYMORE!!" By this point, NK had, in fact, stood up. He pointed an accusing finger at the screen. "Don't try to deny it, I know better! You've been working with the Dark Side, haven't you? Or may it's Black Magic! Don't think you can fool me!"
"A war, huh?" said a voice from over UC's left shoulder. "Sounds like fun."
NK gaped at the screen. He was dead certain Yuffie had not been standing behind UC two paragraphs ago, but now she was. That wasn't the worst part, though...
"Aren't you... dead?" NK asked.
"Dead?" Yuffie repeated, confused. "What are you..." Realization hit. "Oh, you mean that Uscit Tami wrote?"
The forth wall took a considerable hit. No one noticed.
"CONTINUITY, DIFFERENT." stated Fujin, who had managed to spontaneously appear behind UC's right shoulder.
"Stop doing that!" NK complained.
"What?" all on UC's side of the connection asked.
"Oh, never mind."
"Anyway, U, we've got some planning to do for this war..."
Despite the fact that the war idea was a good idea, Fujin wasn't sure about agreeing with Yuffie on it. "NEGATIVE. WORK."
"On what?" Yuffie countered. "Can't mean school work..."
"WEBSITE. DONUT GIRLS. SOMETHING."
"Well, can't really do that if everything times out, now can we?"
NK cut in. "Hey, UC, why do you keep those two around, anyway? Can't you decide anything for yourself?"
All three on UC's end of the connection shot NK a look.
"...Right, forgot who I was talking about for a second." NK said. "In any case, I'm setting a time of attack for 2 PM sharp, exactly one week from today. I suggest you stop bickering and start planning. Or, at least, bicker about the plan."
"What's the point of the war, anyway? I mean, what'll happen if I lose?" UC asked.
"Something horrible. I think. I dunno, I haven't really decided yet. But when I do, watch out!"
"...Not very good at threats, are you?"
"Shut up. Anyway, remember, 2PM. One week from today. And please... don't sleep through it, okay?" With that, NK closed the connection.
"Sounds to me like he's bored," UC mused.
"Yeah, ya think? Can't say I blame him, though. It has been dull around here."
"REASON," Fujin stated. "UC LAZY."
"Hey!" UC protested. "It's not as if you guys have had any decent ideas."
"NEGATIVE. WEBSITE, WORK."
"Webite's fine for now."
<!--CUTSCENE-->
<<SCENE-- YUFFIE'S PAGODA>>
<<DATETIME: NOW.>>
<<DATETIME: NOW.>>
[[A simple view of the Pagoda, which has obviously
seen better days. Camera zooms up to the virtual pagoda's virtual door.
Taped onto the door is a virtual sheet of aged, yellowed paper with the
words "CLOSED FOR RENOVATIONS" printed on it. The sheet falls off and crumbles
to virtual dust upon hitting the virtual ground.]]
<!--/CUTSCENE-->
"I'm sure it'll be fine for a week or so while we do
this war thing. Meanwhile.."
Fujin could see, even with only one eye (sorry, bad pun, and probably done to death as well) that things had degraded beyond her ability as Superego to control. Even kicking UC probably wouldn't have been very productive. Not that that would stop her from doing it, of course. She had a reputation to upkeep, after all. "RAGE!" *KICK* <==Making an 'Impact!'
"Ow!"
"Hey, knock it off!" Yuffie protested. "We've got planning to do!... Why does it sound so weird when I'm the one saying it?"
And so began... The Plannin' Time.
Fujin could see, even with only one eye (sorry, bad pun, and probably done to death as well) that things had degraded beyond her ability as Superego to control. Even kicking UC probably wouldn't have been very productive. Not that that would stop her from doing it, of course. She had a reputation to upkeep, after all. "RAGE!" *KICK* <==Making an 'Impact!'
"Ow!"
"Hey, knock it off!" Yuffie protested. "We've got planning to do!... Why does it sound so weird when I'm the one saying it?"
And so began... The Plannin' Time.
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