A rookie police officer was assigned to ride in a cruiser with an

experienced partner. A call came over the car's radio telling

them to disperse some people who were loitering.

The officers drove to the street and observed a small crowd

standing on a corner. The rookie rolled down his window and

said, "Let's get off the corner."

No one moved, so he barked again, "Let's get off the corner!"

Intimidated, the group of people began to leave, casting puzzled

glances in his direction. Proud of his first official act, the young

policeman turned to his partner and asked, "Well, how did I

do?"

"Pretty good," replied the veteran, "especially since this was a

bus stop."

After just a few years of marriage filled with constant arguments, a

young man and his wife decided the only way to save their marriage

was to try counseling. They had been at each other's throats for some

time and felt that this was their last straw.

When they arrived at the counselors's office, the counselor jumped

right in and opened the floor for discussion. "What seems to be the

problem?" Immediately, the husband held his long face down without

anything to say. In contrast, the wife began talking 90 miles an

hour, describing all the wrongs within their marriage.

After 15 minutes of listening to the wife, the counselor went over to

her, picked her up by her shoulders, kissed her passionately and sat

her back down. Afterwards, the wife sat speechless.

The marriage counselor looked over at the husband, who stared in

disbelief. The counselor said to the husband, "Your wife NEEDS that

at least twice a week!"

The husband scratched his head and replied, "I can have her here on

Tuesdays and Thursdays."

A man who is driving a car is stopped by a police officer. The

following exchange takes place....

The man says: "What's the problem officer?"

Officer: "You were going at least 75 in a 55 zone."

Man: "No sir, I was going 65."

Wife: "Oh, Harry. You were going 80."

[Man gives his wife a dirty look.]

Officer: "I'm also going to give you a ticket for your broken tail

light."

Man: "Broken tail light? I didn't know about a broken tail light!"

Wife: "Oh Harry, you've known about that tail light for weeks."

[Man gives his wife a dirty look.]

Officer: "I'm also going to give you a citation for not wearing your

seat belt."

Man: "Oh, I just took it off when you were walking up to the car."

Wife: "Oh, Harry, you never wear your seat belt." Man turns to his

wife and yells: "Shut your mouth, woman!"

Officer turns to the woman and asks, "Ma'am, does your husband talk

to you this way all the time?"

Wife says: "No, only when he's drunk."

A Highway Patrolman waited outside a popular local bar, hoping for a

bust. At closing time as everyone came out, he spotted his potential

quarry.

The man was so obviously inebriated that he could barely walk. He

stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes, looking for his car.

After trying his keys on five others, he finally found his own vehicle.

He sat in the car a good ten minutes as the other patrons left. He

turned his lights on, then off, wipers on then off. He started to pull

forward into the grass, then stopped. Finally when he was the last car,

he pulled out onto the road and started to drive away.

The Patrolman, waiting for this, turned on his lights and pulled the man

over. He administered the breathalyzer test, and to his great surprise

the man blew a 0.00! The Patrolman was dumbfounded!

"This equipment must be broken!" exclaimed the Patrolman. "I doubt it,"

said the man, "Tonight I'm the Designated Decoy!"