The Dog

An avid duck hunter was in the market for a new bird dog. His search ended

when he found a dog that could actually walk on water to retrieve a duck.

Shocked by his find, he was sure none of his friends would ever believe him.

He decided to try to break the news to a friend of his, a pessimist by nature,

and invited him to hunt with him and his new dog. As they waited by the shore,

a flock of ducks flew by. They fired, and a duck fell. The dog responded and

jumped into the water. The dog, however, did not sink but instead walked

across the water to retrieve the bird, never getting more than his paws wet.

The friend saw everything but did not say a single word. On the drive home the

hunter asked his friend, "Did you notice anything unusual about my new dog?"

"I sure did," responded his friend. "He can't swim.

The Mine by Stan Kegal

Many years ago a friend of mine called Joe worked in the coal mines. He

would go to work early in the morning, go down the mine to the coal face

and do his eight hour stint, then come back to the surface to get ready

to come home.

He followed this daily routine faithfully for years on end, down the

mine in the morning and up at the end of his shift. Down then up, down

then up.

One day whilst he was at the coal face he swung his pick ax and the

point went deep into a rock. He eventually managed to remove the pick ax

from the rock, and as he did so he was engulfed in a deluge of water. He

was absolutely drenched by the water, and his work mates remarked that

he looked about 10 years younger since the water had covered him. They

all tried to get soaked, and those that managed did indeed look 10 years

younger.

He, and those of his friends who had managed to get covered by the

water, were thankful but they couldn't stop wondering why they had only

been made to look 10 years younger. Why hadn't they been made to look 20

or 25 years younger than they really were? ... It must be obvious that

it was only a miner miracle.

Reply from Jim Ertner <ertner@psnsbsn.navy.mil>

Stan:

I, too, once had a friend, Joe, who worked in the coal mines.

Unfortunately, he was killed in a freak accident when some movers lost

their grip on a grand piano they were transporting; the piano fell down

the mine shaft and crushed Joe to death. A local composer wrote an

orchestral piece in memory of Joe:

It was called "Symphony in A Flat Miner."

LOOK! THERE HE IS NOW!

A defendant was on trial for murder. There was strong evidence

indicating guilt, but there was no corpse. In the defense's closing

statement the lawyer, knowing that his client would probably be

convicted, resorted to a trick.

"Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I have a surprise for you all," the

lawyer said as he looked at his watch. "Within one minute, the person

presumed dead in this case will walk into this courtroom." He looked

toward the courtroom door. The jurors, somewhat stunned, all looked on

eagerly. A minute passed. Nothing happened.

Finally the lawyer said, "Actually, I made up the previous statement.

But you all looked on with anticipation. I therefore put to you that you

have a reasonable doubt in this case as to whether anyone was killed and

insist that you return a verdict of not guilty." The jury, clearly

confused, retired to deliberate. A few minutes later, the jury returned

and pronounced a verdict of guilty.

"But how?" inquired the lawyer. "You must have had some doubt; I saw all

of you stare at the door."

The jury foreman replied: "Oh, we did look, but your client didn't."

The Undertaker.

A dinner speaker was in such a hurry to get to his engagement that when

he arrived and sat down at the head table, he suddenly realized that he

had forgotten his false teeth.

Turning to the man next to him he said, "I forgot my teeth." The man

said, "No problem." With that he reached into his pocket and pulled out

a pair of false teeth. "Try these," he said.

The speaker tried them. "Too loose," he said. The man then said, "I

have another pair...try these." The speaker tried them and responded,

"Too tight."

The man was not taken back at all. He then said, "I have one more pair

of false teeth...try them."

The speaker said, "They fit perfectly." With that he ate his meal and

gave his address.

After the dinner meeting was over, the speaker went over to thank the

man who had helped him. "I want to thank you for coming to my aid. Where

is your office? I've been looking for a good dentist."

The man replied, "I'm not a dentist. I'm the local undertaker."