NEW YORKER

A quiet little man was brought before a judge. The judge looked down at the

man and then at the charges and then down at the little man in amazement. "Can

you tell me in your own words what happened?" he asked the man. "I'm a

mathematician dealing in the nature of proof." said the little man. "Yes, go

on," said the astounded judge. "Well. I was at the library and I found the

books I wanted and went to take them out. They told me my library card had

expired and I had to get a new one. So I went to the registration office and

got in another line. And filled out my forms for another card. And got back

in line for my card." "And?" said the judge. "And he asked 'Can you prove

you're from New York City?' So I stabbed him."

Habit

Habit never goes

Because if you remove H

Abit remains,

If you remove A

Bit remains,

If you remove B

It still remains.

THE BEST LAUGH

Having her hair done at a West Hempstead, NY, beauty parlor, a Woman

told a cautionary tale about racial prejudice. The story deserves a

wider audience.

On a recent weekend in Atlantic City, the woman related, she won a

bucketful of quarters at a slot machine. She took a break from the

slots for dinner with her husband in the hotel dining room. But

first she would stash the quarters in her room. I'll be right back

and we'll go to eat," she told her husband and she carried the

coin-laden bucket to the elevator. As she was about to walk into the

elevator she noticed two men already aboard. Both were black. One of

them was big... Very big... An intimidating figure.

The woman froze. Her first thought was: These two are going to rob

me.

Her next thought was: Don't be a bigot, they look like perfectly

nice gentlemen, even if one of them is awfully black. But racial

stereotypes are powerful, and fear immobilized her.

She stood and stared at the two men. She felt anxious, flustered,

ashamed. She hoped they didn't read her mind but knew they surely

did; her hesitation about joining them on the elevator was all too

obvious. Her face burned. She couldn't just stand there, so with a

mighty effort of will she picked up one foot and stepped forward and

followed with the other foot and was on the elevator. Avoiding eye

contact, she turned around stiffly and faced the elevator doors as

they closed. A second passed, and then another second, and then

another. The elevator didn't move. Panic consumed her. My God, she

thought, I'm trapped and about to be robbed!

Her heart plummeted. Perspiration poured from every pore. Then one

of the men said, "Hit the floor."

Instinct told her: Do what they tell you. The bucket of quarters

flew upwards as she threw out her arms and collapsed on the elevator

carpet.

A shower of coins rained down on her. Take my money and spare me,

she prayed. More seconds passed. She heard one of the men say

politely, "Ma'am, if you'll just tell us what floor you're going to,

we'll push the button." The one who said it had a little trouble

getting the words out. He was trying mightily to hold in a belly

laugh. She lifted her head and looked up at the two men.

They reached down to help her up. Confused, she struggled to her

feet.

"When I told my man here to hit the floor," one of the men, the

average sized one, told her, "I meant that he should hit the elevator

button for our floor. I didn't mean for you to hit the floor, ma'am.

He spoke genially.

He bit his lip. It was obvious he was having a hard time not

laughing.

She thought: My God, what a spectacle I've made of myself. She was

too humiliated to speak. She wanted to blurt out an apology, but

words failed her. How do you apologize to two perfectly respectable

gentlemen for behaving as though they were robbing you? She didn't

know. The 3 of them gathered up the strewn quarters and refilled her

bucket. When the elevator arrived at her floor they insisted on

walking her to her room.

She seemed a little unsteady on her feet, and they were afraid she

might not make it down the corridor. At her door they bid her good

evening. As she slipped into her room she could hear them laughing

while they walked back to the elevator.

The woman brushed herself off. She pulled herself together and went

downstairs for dinner with her husband.

The next morning flowers were delivered to her room ~ a dozen roses.

Attached to each rose was a crisp one hundred dollar bill. A card

said: "Thanks for the best laugh we've had in years." It was

signed,

Eddie Murphy and Bodyguard.

Received from Tom Huff.