Hole in One

Juan, a young man who grew up in Mexico, could not decide whether to become

a professional golfer or a bullfighter. Wishing to prove his courage to the

local young ladies, he finally decided to become a matador. Unfortunately,

Juan was not very good. In his very first match he made a serious mistake

and the bull immediately . . . made a hole in Juan. (By James Malerba)

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Green Witch

Once upon a time in England, a very mean witch was terrorizing the local

population. They finally went to a wizard to see what could be done

about her. The wizard gave them a potion that would turn the witch into

a statue.

The townspeople managed to put the potion in the witch's food. When she

found out about this, she turned green with rage, but it was too late and

the potion worked as expected. The jubilant population had a big

celebration and parade, and placed the petrified witch in a park as a

public example. Pretty soon, people discovered that the witch had been

frozen in a position that made her a perfect sundial, and started using

her to tell the time of day. The custom grew and even today, people

often refer to: Mean Green Witch Time.

Terms for Common Words.

Antacid: Uncle Acid's wife.

Antelope: How she married my Uncle.

Arbitrator: A cook that leaves Arby's to work at McDonald's.

Avoidable: What a bullfighter tries to do.

Baloney: Where some hemlines fall.

Bernadette: The act of torching a mortgage.

Bottom: What the shopper did when she found the shoes that she

wanted.

Bucktooth: The going rate for the tooth fairy.

Burglarize: What a crook sees with.

Cantaloupe: When you are unable to run away to get married.

Cartoonist: What you call your auto mechanic.

Castanets: What they did to fill the role of Frankie Avalon's movie

girlfriend.

Celtics: What a parasite salesman does.

Concert: A breath mint for inmates.

Consist: A growth on an inmate.

Content: A fabric shelter for inmates.

Control: A short, ugly inmate.

Convent: How inmates get air conditioning.

Counterfeiters: Workers who put together kitchen cabinets.

Crestfallen: Dropped toothpaste.

Cross-eyed Teacher: A teacher that looses control over his or her

pupils.

Decrease: De fold in de pants.

Demote: What de king put around de castle.

Despise: De persons who work for the CIA.

Detention: What causes de stress.

Dictator: Another name for Richard Spud.

Dilate: When a person lives longer.

Dioxin: What you say before you kill a herd of buffalo-like cattle.

Dreadlocks: the fear of opening the dead-bolt.

Thanx to Linda from Illinois.