"The Law of Volunteering"

If you dance with a grizzly bear, you had better let him lead.

"The Law of Avoiding Oversell"

When putting cheese in a mousetrap, always leave room for the mouse.

"The Law of Common Sense"

Never accept a drink from a urologist.

"The Law of Reality"

Never get into fights with ugly people, they have nothing to lose.

"The Law of Self Sacrifice

When you starve with a tiger, the tiger starves last.

"The Law of Motivation"

Creativity is great, but plagiarism is faster.

"Boob's Law"

You always find something in the last place you look.

"Weiler's Law"

Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself.

"Law of Probable Dispersal"

Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.

"Law of Volunteer Labor"

People are always available for work in the past tense.

"Conway's Law"

In any organization there is one person who knows what is going on.

That person must be fired.

"Iron Law of Distribution"

Them that has, gets.

"Law of Cybernetic Entomology"

There is always one more bug.

"Law of Drunkedness"

You can't fall off the floor.

"Heller's Law"

The first myth of management is that it exists.

"Weinberg's Second Law"

If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, then

the first woodpecker that came along would have destroyed

civilization.

Best Patient

Five surgeons are taking a coffee break.

1st surgeon says: "Accountants are the best to operate on because when

you open them up, everything inside is numbered.

2nd surgeon says: "Nah, librarians are the best. Everything inside them

is in alphabetical order."

3rd surgeon says: "Try electricians, man! Everything inside THEM is

color coded."

4th surgeon says: "I prefer lawyers. They're heartless, spineless,

gutless and their heads and their butts are interchangeable."

To which the 5th surgeon, who has been quietly listening to the

conversation, says "I like engineers....they always understand when you

have a few parts left over at the end."

The Test

Two Trojan football players were taking an important final exam. If they

failed, they would be on academic probation and not allowed to play

in the Aloha Bowl the following week. The exam was fill-in-the-blank.

The last question read, "Old MacDonald had a _________."

Bubba was stumped. He had no idea of the answer. He knew he needed

to get this one right to be sure he passed. Making sure the professor

wasn't watching, he tapped Tiny on the shoulder. "Pssst. Tiny. What's

the answer to the last question?"

Tiny laughed. He looked around to make sure the professor hadn't

noticed then he turned to Bubba. "Bubba, you're so stupid. Everyone

knows Old MacDonald had a farm."

"Oh yeah," said Bubba. "I remember now."

He picked up his No. 2 pencil and started to write the answer in the

blank. He stopped. Reaching to tap Tiny's shoulder again, he whispered,

"Tiny, how do you spell farm?"

"You are really dumb, Bubba. That's so easy. Farm is spelled E-I-E-I-O."