Baby Cloning

The couple left the gynecologist's office with the wife in tears. They

were just told that she could never become pregnant. They would never

have the family they both desired so fervently.

Suddenly, a masked man appeared before them. "I think I can help you,"

he said, handing them a card.

"Why are you masked?" the husband asked.

"Because the government has declared our activities illegal. Go to the

address on this card. The doctor will take a scrapping from one of your

mouths and culture it. In less than a year, we will have your baby for

you."

"This is the answer to our prayers!" the wife exclaimed. Then she

turned to thank the stranger but he was gone. "Who was that masked man?"

she asked her husband.

He answered, ... "That was the Clone Arranger"

(By Stan Kegel)

The Rolling Stones

It would be the concert of the decade. And for such a worthy cause. The

orphanage where several of the greatest of the rock stars had been

raised had deteriorated to such an extreme, that it was about to be

condemned and the residents scattered to other institutions around the

country. Elton John had decided he would not allow that to happen and

had obtained promises from his friends, some of the greatest names in

the industry, to agree to participate.

The concert would be held on the grounds of the orphanage. Enough funds

would be raised to totally refurnish the institution. But the grounds

where the concert would be held was in as bad a disarray as the building

itself. Paint was pealing off the outer walls of the building. The grass

was eight inches high. The rose gardens were primarily weeds, the

swimming pool was covered with a lichen-like plant., and the walks were cracked.

The group agreed that they would not only participate in the concert,

but that each of the rock stars would do his part to rejuvenate the

grounds. They would do it all themselves without outside help.

And if you had visited the orphanage on that week before the concert,

you would have seen an amazing sight. Paul McCartney and Sting painting

the building, David Lee Roth cutting the lawn, David Bowie and Roger

Dantry pulling out weeds, Bruce Springstein and David Crosby repaving

the walks.

As the day of the concert approached, the participants took a tour

around the grounds. Everything looked great. Until they reached the

swimming pool which was still covered with the thick green growth. John

checked his roster to see who was supposed to clean the pool, and found

him sitting at the side of the pool staring out into space. It was Mick

Jagger, and he had not done the job he had been assigned. John

approached Jagger to ask what had happened, and received the solemn

answer almost in tears. "You should have known, I couldn’t do it," Mick

replied, ... "A Rolling Stone gathers no moss." (By Stan Kegel)

Nick, Nack, Paddy Whack

Three guys are in a bar: John, Nick and Mac. They are talking amongst

themselves when Paddy, the seven foot Irish wrestler enters the bar. As

he walks up to them, they notice there is a little dog on his shoulder.

"Listen fellas", says Paddy, "Can you look after my dog while I go to

the toilet". The three guys are quite drunk, and happily agree to

dog-sit while Paddy goes to the loo. "Don't upset him" warns Paddy, and

with that he puts the dog on the bar, and disappears into the toilet.

The little dog loves telephones and he quickly spots three of them on

the bar. With a whimper of glee he scampers over to the first phone

but his path was suddenly blocked my Nick and Mac. They didn't like

the way Paddy had spoken to them so they decided to take it out on his dog.

The little dog runs to the second phone but with the same result. Not

deterred, quick as lightning, he skirts around the pair and grabs the

third phone in his mouth.

This annoys Nick and Mac: they try and take the phone away but the dog

valiantly holds on and a tug of war takes place. Inevitably, Nick and

Mac's greater strength prevail and they prise the phone away. The dog is

dreadfully upset and bursts into tears, howling pitifully.

Suddenly, the door to the toilet starts to open and John shouts in

alarm, . . . "Nick! Mac! Paddy's back! Give the dog a phone!!!"

Playground Rules

I took my two sons, ages seven and five to the playground at our local

park. My seven year old was very proud as he was able to read the sign

with all the rules to his brother. "Do not jump on the merry-go-round

when in motion." "Go down the slide while sitting only." "Only one child

on a swing at a time."

There were about twenty rules and the boys promised to obey them all,

if I would trust them and let them play without Daddy standing by. They

said that they were too old to be watched and their friends would tease

them calling them babies if Dad stayed. I made them promise to be good

and obey the rules, and rejoined my wife preparing our picnic lunch.

When it was time to get the children, I decided to watch them at a

distance for a while to see how reliable they were in following my

instructions. I found that they obeyed most of the printed instructions.

That is, all but one. They would get on the tall semicircular slide and

go down head first or backward.

Angrily, I picked up the children and took them over to the posted

regulations and made my seven year old read it aloud again. Then I asked

the boys what they had to say for themselves.

My five year old answered immediately, "Don’t be silly, Dad. ...

There’s no need for a slide rule anymore."

I like this one because it doesn’t require a play on words, only change

of context.

Stan Kegel