The Salesman

A book company has particular trouble selling bibles. One day, a man

comes in with a job application and says "l-l-l-l'd l-l-l-l-l-like

t-t-tt-t-to b-b-b-b- b-be a b-b-b-bible salesman, s-s-s-sir." lnitially,

the manager doesn't want to give the job to this man, but decided to try

him out. After three weeks, the manager is looking at salescharts and

realizes that the newest guy is selling the most bibles ever sold by any

salesman in the company history.

Amazed, he calls him in to his office. "You've only worked here for three

weeks, and you've already sold more copies than anyone else here! How do

You do it?"

"W-w-w-w-w-well, l g-g-g-go up t-t-t-t-to th-the d-d- d-door and-d-d

l-l--l s-s-s-say, w-w-w-w-would y-y-y-y-y-y-you l-l-l-l-l-like

t-t-to b-b-b-b-buy a c-c-copy o-o-of th-th-th-the b-b-b-bible, or

w-w-w-w-w- would y-y-y-y-you l-l-l-l-like m-m-me t-t-t-to r-r-r-r-read it

t-t-t-t-t-to y-y-y-you?"

The Virus

My best friend, Chuck, purchased a new portable computer for his job.

He travels a lot, and needs to have all the important information at his

fingertips.

Unfortunately, in installing all the software an insidious new computer

virus was also installed. This new virus randomly inserted profanity and

scatological references into his printed copy, but didn't display them on

the screen. Since Chuck trusted his Spell Checker software, he never

proofread his copy, and in short order he'd insulted most of his friends

and all of his business associates.

When one of his more outspoken friends finally brought the situation to

his attention, Chuck was very humiliated and became extremely depressed.

He then developed an irrational desire to punish his computer, and he

tried several methods to punish his computer for the grief it had brought

him.

First, he attempted to cause corrosion of the power supply terminals by

sprinkling them with sodium and calcium chloride from highway deicing

barrels. Next, he scraped away the solder joints from the board. Finally

he threw the whole system out the eighth floor window of his hotel.

Poor Chuck's actions were reported to the Computer Protection Services.

The next morning, he was arrested and charged with . . . a salted

battery, breach of contacts, and making an obscene clone fall.

Strike

There was this bank where the employees went on strike leaving the bank

officers to do the teller's tasks. While the strike was on, this

customer called the bank, and asked if they were open. They told her

they had two windows open. Then she asked, . . . "Can't I just come

though the front door?"