The Gloop Maker

There once was a sailor returning to his ship. Just as he approached

the edge of the dock, he slipped and fell into the water between ship

and dockside. As he hit the water, the ship began to swing toward the

harbour wall, and he would have been crushed to death had not a little

man, with great presence of mind, thrown a rope and hauled him to safety.

"Whew, thanks!" said the sailor. "You saved my life. Tell me, is

there anything I can do for you in return?"

"Well actually," said the man, "there is something. I'd dearly like

to work aboard ship and, in fact, I was just on my way to look for a

job when I saw you in the water. If you could put in a word for me.

I'd be greatly obliged."

"Done!" said the sailor. He took the little man on board and tracked

down his immediate superior. "This man saved my life just now, and he

really would very much like to have a job on the ship."

"Well, I don't know," said the Petty Officer. "We have a full ship's

complement, but I'll certainly put in a word on his behalf to my

superior. What does he do?"

"I'm a Gloop Maker," said the little man eagerly.

Not wishing to appear ignorant in front of his subordinate, the Petty

Officer didn't like to ask what exactly a Gloop Maker was, so he went

to see the Chief Petty Officer. "This man saved the life of one of my

seamen," he told the Chief. "Do you think we could find him a job

aboard? He's a Gloop Maker."

Not wishing to appear ignorant in front of his subordinate, the Chief

asked the Warrant Officer, who asked the Sub-Lieutenant and so on, all

the way through the chain of command until the request reached the

Captain. After congratulating the little man, the Captain, not wanting

to appear ignorant, named him ship's Gloop Maker and ordered the

Supply Officer to provide whatever materials were necessary for work

to commence.

The little man asked for a strong block and tackle fitted up on the

afterdeck, a small stool, a hammer and chisel, a portable furnace, a

lump of iron measuring four metres by four metres, several kilograms

of copper and several more of silver.

As the ship sailed, the little man set his stool alongside the huge

chunk of iron, lit the furnace and began to melt down the copper and

silver. Then, with much hammering and chiselling, he began to add

blobs of copper and curlicues of silver to the sides of the lump of iron.

Each day crew members stopped and stared at the wondrously strange

thing taking shape at the ship's stern. But not wishing to appear

ignorant, nobody asked the Gloop Maker what he actually was making.

"Coming along nicely," said the captain as he made his daily rounds.

"Any idea precisely when it will be --ah-- ready?"

"Oh yes," said the man. "At 1400 hrs. on July 15 we shall sail

through the centre of the Bermuda Triangle. That's when it'll be

ready, and I'd like the crew assembled on deck at that hour, if you

please, sir."

And so, the great day dawned, the men assembled and the Gloop Maker

put down his hammer and chisel. Proudly he stood back and indicated

that the block and tackle should be lowered onto his masterpiece,

whose copper and silver curlicues gleamed in the sun. Carefully he

directed it to be lifted from the deck and swung round until it hung

over the sea at the ship's stern.

"Ready, steady, go!" he cried, and he cut it free. And, as it fell

into the deep blue waters of the Atlantic, it went, . . . "GLOOP!"