Keeping Quiet in Church

A Sunday school teacher asked the children just before she dismissed

them to go to church, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in

church?"

Little Johnny jumped up and yelled, "Because people are sleeping!"

Man Sitting On Well

An Arab diplomat visiting the US for the first time was being wined and dined

by the State Department. The Grand Emir was unused to the salt in American

foods (french fries, cheeses, salami, anchovies etc.) and was constantly

sending his manservant Abdul to fetch him a glass of water. Time and again,

Abdul would scamper off and return with a glass of water, but then came the

time when he returned empty-handed. "Abdul, you son of an ugly camel, where is

my water?" demanded the Grand Emir. "A thousand pardons, O Illustrious One,"

stammered the wretched Abdul, "white man sit on well."

Definition.

An English professor wrote the words, "Woman without her man is nothing" on

the blackboard and directed his students to punctuate it correctly.

The men wrote: "Woman, without her man, is nothing."

The women wrote: "Woman! Without her, man is nothing."

Haapy Hours.

An Irishman's been drinking at a pub all night. The bartender finally says

that the bar is closing. So the Irishman stands up to leave and falls flat on

his face. He tries to stand one more time, same result. He figures he'll crawl

outside and get some fresh air and maybe that will sober him up.

Once outside he stands up and falls flat on his face. So he decides to crawl the 4 blocks

to his home and when he arrives at the door he stands up and falls flat on his

face. He crawls through the door into his bedroom. When he reaches his bed he

tries one more time to stand up. This time he manages to pull himself upright

but he quickly falls right into bed and is sound asleep as soon as his head

hits the pillow. He awakens the next morning to his wife standing over him

shouting at him. "So, you've been out drinking again!!" "What makes you say

that?" He asks as he puts on an innocent look. "The pub called, you left your

wheelchair there again."