Harvey's grandfather clock suddenly stops working right one day, so he

loads it into his van and takes it to a clock repair shop. In the shop

is a little old man who insists he is Swiss, and has a heavy German accent.

He asks Harvey, "Vat sims to be ze problem?"

Harvey says, "I'm not sure, but it doesn't go 'tick- tock-tick-tock'

anymore. Now it just goes 'tick...tick...tick.'"

The old man says, "Mmm-Hm!" and steps behind the counter, where he

rummages around a bit. He emerges with a huge flashlight and walks

over to the grandfather clock. He turns the flashlight on, and shines it

directly into the clocks face. Then he says in a menacing voice, . . .

"Ve haf vays of making you tock!"

A man was hailed into court for dumping trash in a forbidden area. The

judge asked, "Didn't you see the sign posted there?"

"Yes sir, I sure did," replied the man. "It says real plain in big

letters . . . 'FINE FOR DUMPING'!’"