"Car Crash"

Three buddies die in a car crash, they go to heaven

to an orientation. They are all asked, "When you

are in your casket and friends and family are

mourning upon you, what would you like to hear

them say about you?"

The first man says, "I would like to hear them say

that I was a great doctor of my time, and a great

family man."

The second man says, " I would like to hear that

I was a wonderful husband and school teacher

which made a huge difference in our children

of tomorrow."

The last guy replies, " I would like to hear them say.....

LOOK!! HE'S MOVING!!!"

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"Genie"

A recently divorced woman is walking along the beach

contemplating how badly treated she got over the

divorce settlement, when she spies a magic lamp

washing up onshore. She rubs the lamp, and out pops

a magical genie!! The genie notices her anger and lets

her vent her troubles to him. As a consolation, the genie

informs her that he will give her three wishes. But, he

cautions her that because he does not believe in divorce,

he will give her ex-husband ten times the amount of

whatever she wishes.

The woman is steaming mad, thinking that this is hardly

fair, but she makes her first wish. The first wish was for

a billion dollars. The genie grants her wish and she finds

herself sitting in pile of one billion one-dollar bills.

The genie then reminds her that her husband is now the

recipient of 10 billion dollars. The woman can barely

contain her anger when she makes her second wish.

The second wish was for a beautiful mansion on the

shore of her own private beach. In an instant it was

granted, but the genie then reminds again that her ex-

husband now owns ten of what she wished for, and

points out at the beach to a small development of ten

such mansions.

Upon hearing this, the woman takes her time to

contemplate her last wish. Just as the genie was

about to give up on her, the woman informs the genie

that she wants to make the last wish. But, before she

can do this, the genie again warns her that her ex-

husband will get ten times what she wishes for.

"No problem," said the woman as she grinned in

ecstasy. "For my last wish ... I'd like to give birth

to twins."

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"Zoology Exam"

A young college student had stayed up all night

studying for his zoology test the next day. As he

entered the classroom, he saw ten stands with

ten birds on them. Each bird had a sack over its

head; only the legs were showing. He sat straight

in the front row because he wanted to do the best

job possible. The professor announced that the

test would be to look at each of the birds' legs and

give the common name, habitat, genus and species.

The student looked at each of the birds' legs. They

all looked the same to him. He began to get upset.

He had stayed up all night studying and now had

to identify birds by their legs. The more he thought

about it the madder he got.

Finally he could stand it no longer. He went up to

the professor's desk and said, "What a stupid test!

How could anyone tell the difference between birds

by looking at their legs?" With that the student threw

his test on the professor's desk and walked to the

door.

The professor was surprised. The class was so

big that he didn't know every student's name so

as the student reached the door the professor

called, "Mister, what's your name?"

The enraged student pulled up his pant legs and

said, "You tell me buddy! You tell me!"