"English Is A Crazy Language!"

There's no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger

and neither pine nor apple in pineapple.

English muffins weren't invented in England or

French fries in France.

Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads,

which aren't sweet, are meat.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't

fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't

ham?

If the plural of tooth is teeth, why not the plural

of booth is beeth?

One goose, two geese. So one moose, two

meese? One index, two indices?

If teachers taught, why don't preachers praught?

Have you ever seen a horseful carriage or a

strapful gown? Met a sung hero?

Have you ever run into someone who was

combobulated, grunted?

And where are all those people who ARE spring

chickens?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a

language in which your house can burn up as

it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling

it out and in which an alarm clock goes off by

going on.

English reflects the creativity of the human race

(which, of course, isn't a race at all).

That is why, when the stars are out, they are

visible, but when the lights are out, they are

invisible.

And why, when I wind up my watch, I start it, but

when I wind up an essay, I end it!