"Great Lines from Job Evaluations"

1. I would not allow this employee to breed.

2. This associate is not so much of a has-been,

but more definitely a won't be.

3. Works well when under constant supervision

and cornered like a rat in a trap.

4. When she opens her mouth, it seems it is only

to change whatever foot was previously there.

5. He would be out of his depth in a parking lot

puddle.

6. This young lady has delusions of adequacy.

7. He set low personal standards and then

consistently fails to achieve them.

8. This employee is depriving a village somewhere

of an idiot.

9. This employee should go far, and the sooner

he starts, the better.

10. Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.

11. Got into the gene pool while the lifeguard

was not looking.

12. A room temperature IQ.

13. Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thing

to hold it together.

14. A gross ignoramus - 144 times worse than

an ordinary ignoramus.

15. A photographic memory but with the lens

cover glued on.

16. A prime candidate for natural de-selection.

17. Bright as Alaska in December.

18. One-celled organisms outscore him in

IQ tests.

19. Donated his brain to science before he

was done using it.

20. Fell out of the family tree.

21. Gates are down, lights are flashing, but

the train isn't coming.

22. Has two brains: one is lost; the other one

is out looking for it.

23. He's so dense, light bends around him.

24. If brains were taxed, she would get a refund.

25. Of he were anymore stupid, he'd have to be

watered twice a week.

26. If you give him a penny for his thoughts,

you will get change.

27. If you stand close enough to him, you

can hear the ocean.

28. It is hard to believe he actually exists.

29. On neuron short of a synapse.

30. Some drink from the fountain of knowledge,

he only gargled.

31. Takes him an hour and a half to watch 60

minutes.

32. Wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead.

33. Since my last report, this employee has

reached rock bottom and has started to dig.

34. His men would follow him anywhere, but

only out of morbid curiosity.