Centre Forward

As the teams ran out on to the pitch, the manager of the mortals asked the manager of the gods, "Who's that character that's half human and half horse?"

"Oh," replied the gods' manager, "that's our centaur forward." (Brian Elliot/Reader's Digest)

Depression

A blonde takes a class in Psychology at the local junior college.

The first day, the professor conducts a casual quiz to see how much his new students know. He calls on a redhead in the third row. "Can you tell me, Miss... What the opposite of depression?"

The redhead thinks for a moment. "Joy?"

"That's a good answer," says the professor, "but not quite what I was looking for."

Turning to a brunette a few seats away, he asks, "How about you, Miss? What is the opposite of depression?"

The brunette hesitates, then responds, "Mania?"

"Very good!" says the professor, pleased. "Now, does anyone have any other answers?"

He spots the blonde, sitting in the front row. "Miss, can you come up with another word that means the opposite of depression?"

The blonde's forehead wrinkles in thought. "Um... Maybe... But, um, first, can you tell what depression means?"

"Depression," repeats the prof. "You know -- sadness... woe!"

"Woe?" repeats the blonde, brighening. "Oh, yes! I believe, sir, that would be 'giddy-up!'"