The following section and its links are all based off of my fight with Hodgkin's Disease, which I was diagnosed with in August 2001. More later...

Written January 2002 at the age of 17
This all started for me about two years ago in February 2000 when I noticed my first little lump on the left side of my neck. I was worried about it, so we went in and had it checked out. The doctor gave me some antibiotics and said that I could have it removed if I really wanted, but that it was probably just an infection since blood tests and a chest x-ray had come back normal. I didn't think much about it for awhile until a couple more lumps “popped” up. Once again, blood results were normal, and a lot a people kept telling me that it was normal for lymph glands to be wacky when you are a teenager. The lumps kept coming, though, and pretty soon it felt like I had "peas and carrots" floating around in my neck and a “lemon” under my left armpit. I got tiny fevers and sore throats, and my lumps would hurt and swell up until they were visible to other people.

When I went to the doctor's office in July 2001, I saw a brand new nurse practitioner (thank goodness!) who was substituting for the lady I had seen in the past. He was concerned with the amount of gland swelling and my elevated white blood count and wanted me to have a biopsy. As soon as the surgeon touched my lumps, he thought it was probably lymphoma and couldn't believe that my previous doctors had let it get as far as it had. I got the official diagnosis in August on the second day of school; I had stage IVa nodular sclerosing Hodgkin's disease. I had involvement in all the lymph nodes around my neck, under my armpits, around my esophagus, in my right lung, and in and around my spleen. My doctor cousin said that he was glad I had HD; that if you had to get cancer, that was the kind to get because it is curable. That's one way to look at it I guess!

The next few weeks were a blur. I met my oncologist, went through an array of tests to set my baseline (to compare results to in the future to check for improvements), and went in and told my senior class what was going on; I wanted them to hear it from me and not just as a rumor. I had a Hickman-catheter inserted above my stomach area (I was supposed to get a port, but that changed when they found out I would need higher doses of chemo) and got my first chemo treatment (BEACOPP). I am not sure whether it was the gas from the surgery (never ask for gas if you have the choice!!!) or the chemo drugs, but most of my first hospital stay was spent throwing up; almost every fifteen minutes at times! My body hurt so bad from dry heaving that after a while, my mom was having me drink sprite just so I would have something to throw up. It was not pleasant.

As far as side effects go, it seems like I've been through just about everything. For my first four cycles, I was on Neupogen shots because my white blood count was often not readable. My bones hurt so bad from these shots that I would wake up at night crying. It would start out as a throbbing, pulsing pain in my back and then move around to my ankles and knees. My red blood count has also been pretty lousy. I can always tell when my hemoglobin starts to drop because I get the symptomatic pounding headache which means I need to go in and get a transfusion. I have had four red blood transfusions so far, and two platelet transfusions, which reminded me a lot of gravy! I have had a little bit of nerve damage in my fingertips and toes from Vincristine, and it was very odd at first to always have my fingers and toes feel like they were asleep; I miss a lot more notes when I am playing the piano now!! My muscles have also done some interesting things. For instance, my eyes have dilated and then stayed that way. I have fairly light blue eyes, so it was pretty noticeable and bizarre when my eyes looked black. My vocal chords have acted strange, too. For a while, when I talked it sounded as if I were talking into a fan; my voice would cut out every few seconds. For this, I got to have a camera put down my nose so that they could watch my vocal chords while I talked!! They decided everything was alright and it went away after a few days, but my friends thought it was funny while it lasted; I sounded like a goat!

Now that I am getting closer to the end of my chemotherapy, it seems like I finally have time to stop and think about all that I have gone through. At first, I was so busy getting used to a new life and learning all of the medical information that I didn't really think very deeply about anything. I was also worried about finishing school and planning for college. The teachers and staff of my high school have been extremely understanding, though. My assistant principal said that they would work with me as much as possible because they did not want to lose their only other 4.0 student!!! My 18th birthday is coming up pretty soon, about the same time as my last chemo and spring break, and because I am still considered a child, I was told that I get to make a wish! I am going to have one heck of a party to celebrate all of this!!!!

this is reality :: be good