picture by Jupiter
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Of bankrupcies and weekends
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I'm a firm believer in the cycles of life - that there are good times and bad times and sometimes you get more good stuff and sometimes the bad has the upper hand. Right now I'm definitely in the bad territory. With the company going under and my position in the whole thing being a little vague it can't be anything but bad. But what really surprises me is my reaction to it. Usually I complain about the bad stuff to just about anyone and get stressed and moody and start snapping at people and get extra annoyed at the problems life throws my way... Well, you get the picture - not very pretty! But for some reason it doesn't really apply this time. Sure, I used to be upset about the bankrupcy and whine about it and be stressed and not be able to sleep but it all changed at some point. I don't know when exactly it was but there was a moment when I realized that, like politics, business is a male game and played by their rules. In a way it's the ultimate peeing contest and right now we have reached the high-point of it with the impending bankrupcy (yes, I'm done with the disturbing metaphors now). The realization that hit me was that this has nothing to do with me. Sure, my fate is in the balance as is the fate of everyone working for the company but I can't change it, I can't even make them see reason. Right now there are threatening notes flying back and forth and reading them may really give someone an ulcer but I've decided to ignore them all. Everything going on right now is just the modern version of pre-fight muscle flexing and showing off. They're not planning to put the threats into action, it's not possible to do that without some serious consequences. Another reason for my new, zen approach to life is sleep deprivation. I used to think that I needed at least eight hours of sleep to function properly. It seems to be untrue (since we're not getting into the definiton of 'properly' here) because recently I've averaged about six hours per night and I'm still standing. I drink huge amounts of coffee but it's not a problem since it doesn't interfere with my work. Come on, you're supposed to have a mug in your hand when working on a computer! It's almost blasphemy not to have it! The sleeplessness peaked last Friday. Thursday was part 2 of Eve's birthday party and I finally got home and to sleep at three in the morning and awoke again at 6:30. The mild hangover I had didn't help matters any. Especially since I was supposed go and spend the Walpurgis Night (one version of its origins is found here) in Tartu and that meant very little to no sleep, again. I spent half a day at work and then went to see the people heading the almost-bankrupt company now. They, being the participants in the muscle flexing, immediately started talking about taking away my computer on Monday. I, in my new zen mode, replied that then they'd have to wait very long for the statement I was supposed to give them. They seemed very surprised. I don't think they've really given much thought to their threats if I can confute them with only a half-working brain. After the "pleasant" task of dealing with the bankrupcy I went to the bus station to take a bus to Tartu. I settled into my seat and was ready for two and a half hours of napping. But we had barely got out of Tallinn when the bus started shaking and pulled over. The bus driver walked around the bus a couple of times and decided to keep going. Only much slower, about 30 km per hour slower. "Well," I thought "it's not a big problem. I'm in no hurry to get anywhere," and went back to my napping. About an hour and half passed and the bus stopped again, this time to let some passengers get on a different (presumably fully functioning) bus. I decided that there was still no hurry and that I might as well take advantage of the empty seats in the slightly broken bus. The slow drive continued until we were about 20 km from Tartu. There it was announced that the bus would go no further and we would have to wait for a substitute. I (and most of the passengers) didn't mind but this one woman was livid. "How can that be? I'm going to be late!" she yelled at the bus driver. "Then you should've taken the opportunity to change buses. It's not like the replacement was full," he replied. I think the woman noticed the remaining passengers staring at her because she stopped yelling and started mumbling and checking her watch every few minutes. I must admit it wasn't nearly as entertaining. We finally got to Tartu about an hour after the designated time and I went to find my friends. I met up with the Tartu gang (minus Ricardo and Bryan who were supposed to meet us later) and we walked around the town before realizing that most of the pubs were full. Since I was hungry I made them wait while I got a pancake at this cafe/pub mix in the Town Square and then we went to the river to see the ceremonial fire being lit. It was a lot more impressive show than the last time I saw it, with the fireworks and the musical background. After that we went to a not-very-good-but-incredibly-cheap pub and stayed there for the rest of the night while different people stopped by for a chat. I had decided to stay with Bryan, as usual, because of his bedroom potential (which does not imply sex but rather a bed in a separate room) and, as usual, we were unable to go to sleep right away and chatted for hours before finally going to bed. On Saturday I read my book and had a ton of coffee and walked to Sally's and came back with Ricardo and saw the boat race [the closest word I found in English was a dinghy, but 'a dinghy race' sounded even stranger than 'a rubber boat race'. I hope you get the idea, though] and had chinese with Bryan (mental note: I still owe him money for that) and took a bus back to Tallinn, which didn't break down and got me home on time. On Sunday I did nothing and therefore had no problems if you don't take into account the trouble I had with organizing my photos. I was putting them into the album and kept writing the descriptions on the wrong slips. But it wasn't very tragic since they had provided extra slips for comments. I also found that we were unwittingly ahead of the fashion trends when dressing Eve for her hen-night last July. The pink fishnet stockings, similar skirt-type-thing and the pink top seem to be all the rage when you look at the new lines at A&G. Monday was pretty regular with the work and and the coffee with Kelly afterwards but today is shaping up to be something different. The morning started with my hand hurting again so I had to treat it with Things That Don't Really Work But Are Still Better Than Nothing (can you see I'm having trouble with my vocabulary today?). Then I decided to have some toast and tea for breakfast. The decision of having them at the same time might've been a mistake since the very old wiring in the building was obviously not ready to support such lavish spending of electricity and therefore I had a blackout in half of the Hellhole. Being smarter I brought the toaster to the living room, toasted my toast (somewhat repetitive, isn't it?) and then tried to boil the water again. Which quickly brought about the blackout in the rest of the flat. I tried to get the switchboard open but someone had locked it and I had no key. I had no other choice but to bang on my neighbour's door and ask for the key. Trust me, talking to your neighbours at seven in the morning is not something you want to do! You'll learn way too much about their domestic life. While trying to ignore the half-naked neighbour I asked for the key, I opened the box, I gave back the key, I said thank you, I closed their door. Then I went into my flat, I flipped the switch, I watched the lights not coming on. I frantically pressed every button and kept noticing how absolutely nothing happened. So I had no choice but to ask for the key again and fiddle with the switchboard and pretend that I knew what I was doing. Finally, after pressing every button about a hundred times (have I mentioned that I have a fear of electrocution?) the power came back on and I was late for work, as usual. When I finally got to work there was another batch of threatening letters that I had to sort through. I was becoming a bit upset reading them and then I remembered my theory about it not being anything serious and I decided to write it down, just in case. And now the entry is very long and I've spent half a day writing it and I really should get some work done. The (very abrupt) end!
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