picture by Jupiter

	Eight-legged freaks   |
	I am being targeted by spiders. I first became aware of it this morning as I was preparing my coffee. A huge spider was stuck in the sink. It couldn't get out since the walls of the sink were too slippery and didn't afford enough friction for it to grab on. I contemplated my options, which, early in the morning, was an arduous process. I could drown it and let it slide down the drain, but then I would feel vaguely guilty for killing something that is basically harmless. I could squash it, but that would bring about the same guilt, plus I would have to clean the rest of the spider off of the sink. So I decided to do the most humane (and least messy) thing and help it out of the sink. A piece of a paper towel was perfect for that and soon the poor spider was half way up the wall glaring down at the Evil Sink of Death. Some time passed, the spider got over the shock and was looking to place blame. I could see it sitting on the wall thinking "Who put that evil contraption of death there?" and immediately its attention was drawn to the person absentmindedly washing her coffee cup. Now, granted, it's not possible for people to hear the thoughts of spiders but I swear I felt its gaze burning a hole to the back of my head and I may have even heard some muttering: "You are the only one living here! You must have done it!" When washing the plate clean from toast crumbs, the following scenario played in my head. A spider is sitting on the wall staring intently at the poor unsuspecting human who is the very personification of everything that is wrong in the spider's life. She is the reason there are no flies to eat. She is the reason its webs get destroyed every once in awhile (although, to be fair, it doesn't happen as often here as it does in most places). She is the reason it's hungry. And, most recently, she is the reason it was stuck in that steel bowl. The spider decides to take revenge, once and for all! Carefully balancing itself on six feet, it grabs a tiny red bandana and ties it around its body - karate kid style. Now - inching closer, quietly, its eyes never leaving the back of her head - the spider looks for a perfect place to attack. Aah! Here it is! The spider draws a deep breath, gathers up all its strength and jumps. "Ha!" the spider war-cry sounds. The spider falls, its legs ready to grab on, toward the poor unsuspecting human's neck. Thud! he lands and latches on. The legs stretch out to impossible super-spider length. They are wrapped around her neck, squeezing. She tries to scream but no sound comes out. Swatting the back of her head does no good because the spider is determined. He squeezes harder. She falls. The twitches in her arms and legs become sparse and then stop. The spider gives her neck one last squeeze and upwraps its legs. She is not moving. It retracts every one of its limbs and nods with appreciation - the day's work is done! The spider climbs up the kitchen cabinet, carefully avoiding the slippery sink. The day of spider world domination is again a little bit closer! Now, this will probably never happen and spiders and humans will be able to coexist quite peacefully, but I am not letting down my guard. And if the spider is still sitting on the wall tonight, I will get out my newspaper and defend myself! [Update]: I was just walking around stretching myself at work when I spotted a spider on the wall. Now I know I'm being watched. Time to stock up on newspapers! previous | something else | next		What I want: movie mood: Coupling - to prepare for British accents music mood: Chill: Brazil - It matches the weather outside reading plans: no idea - I'd like to read everything at once. I'm going to miss my books! food cravings: nothing - The hot weather discourages eating I wish that: the weekend began already. I want to go home and take a shower! A year ago: I grow up! Links: Link of the day - This is what I'm going to study for in the UK the other site e-mail me notify list Theatre