Can you guess what this entry will be about? Naturally it will be about my stupid slash incredibly brave decision to buy an apartment. "How difficult can it be?" I thought when I scanned the papers for offers and surfed the Internet. "There's nothing to it!" I convinced myself when I was reading the incredibly complicated page that explained the finer points of applying for a loan. "It can be done!" I said when I decided to buy an apartment that needed some redecorating. "I'm an idiot!" I screamed when I got my bank statement, added up the monthly cost of the apartment and found I have no money for the necessary repairs.

So here I am, I have an apartment that can't be lived in, at least if you're interested in things like basic hygiene and wallpaper, and I have no money to make it liveable. I thought I had the money, I really did. But do you know what happened to it? Because I don't, I really don't!

Of course, I can pinpoint every expense because I have receipts and bank statements and million other pieces of paper that prove I had the money but I just gave it away. What I don't get is how I strayed so far from my budget. Everything about taking out a loan costs just a little bit more than you're lead to believe. For example the legal costs concerning the contracts. I was told that a certified contract would be 1,500 EEK. Well, yes it was! But nobody told me that I would have to pay for two of them. And all the other costs are exactly the same. The bank costs, the taxes to Tallinn or Estonia or whatever. And that ate up all my money and now I'm stuck with an apartment from hell that only takes money and which I can't even use.

Of course I still have some people I can borrow the money from so that I can fix up the wretched thing but I don't want to do that. I don't want to borrow money from friends because I am not able to pay it back any time soon, unless I get a big fat raise and that's highly unlikely when I look at my situation right now. Only, I don't have any choice in the matter. I either I fix up The Hellhole (as it will be known from now on) and literally spend the next twenty years paying for it or I don't fix it up, keep living with my mother and spend the next twenty years paying the utilities, the loan and trying to save up to fix up the apartment; and probably have the house collapse by the time I'm ready to live in it. Neither looks good but at least I can get some use out of the thing using the first scenario.

Yesterday was a national holiday and almost everyone had a day off. So naturally I got my father and brother to work on The Hellhole. At least it's ready to be wallpapered now. But that will have to wait (again) because my brother decided to take a road trip with his friends and not be here at my disposal. How can that be? He prefers time with his friends to time with his bitchy older sister? Amazing, wouldn't you say?

So I'm kidnapping Megan instead and go paint the doors because they look hideous. Faded yellow is definitely not one of my favourite colours. I don't know how well we will succeed because I've never painted anything aside from patio furniture and our summer cottage. And neither of them required a steady hand or any knowledge whatsoever. I'm afraid these doors are going to be different, though. I don't think rubbing dirt on the spots that went wrong is going to work this time.

*****

[Later in the day:]
Just great! I just got my loan repayment schedule. They haven't given me the three months relief I asked for. That means I'll literally have no money till October. This is really depressing because the worst thing is - I can't do anything. I just reread the contract and it actually turns out the immediate enforcing is mentioned there. And I thought I read the contract with care. Darn! It just goes to prove that one can never be too careful. But it's just so angering - how could I've been so careless? I can't really blame the bank. The human thing would have been to inform me of the change but you'd expect behaviour like this from the banks. It's not like they exist to help people. Of course not! They exist for their own benefit only! And I should have known better, I really should have!

*****

Enough of this depressing subject! I'm wired enough without constantly reminding myself of the poor penniless days ahead. So on to more positive things. I have a great weekend ahead. And it starts on Friday at 5:30 PM because that's the time Megan and I are going to see Pirates of the Caribbean. You can't go wrong with Johnny Depp and Orlando Bloom!

And then Sally is coming to Tallinn. She's this absolutely incredible friend I met while on my second year at the university. Sally works in Tartu and I don't get to see her as much as I'd like. But she's coming here this weekend and I get to hang out with her for three days in a row. Yay! Well, almost three days because on Saturday she'll need to attend some pro-European Union meeting. At that time I intend to find out why I haven't begun a career in door-painting.

It's going to be great! Disastrous financially but I'm not thinking about that! Oh well, I am thinking about that but I don't think it'll make much difference. It's not like I see them every day.

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