You would think that as of yesterday I have enough problems and now I’d start solving them one by one. Well, if you did that, you’d be wrong! Because apparently I don’t have enough problems yet, the world (or god or whatever other entity) decided I need one more. ONE GIANT PROBLEM! Naturally it’s tied to me not having any money but it really puts a new twist on things. But I’ll start from the beginning because it’s too confusing right now.

When I bought the apartment it was in a dire need of redecorating. Since someone had already begun with stripping the walls of the layers of wallpaper, most of the work was going to be easy. The rooms only need new wallpaper and flooring, neither of which is very expensive and can be done by mercilessly using my family and friends. So no problem there. I’m not going to bother about the kitchen because that can wait, I’m not that good of a cook anyway. But the bathroom is a different deal.

It’s ancient! It’s awful! If you’ve never seen the Russian idea of adequate toilets and washing facilities then you can’t possibly imagine how awful it is. The building was built in the early 70s but if I didn’t know any better, I would think the toilet was built 10 years before that. Because it’s just that terrible. The only reason I still believe it’s functioning is because there were people living in the flat until May, so they probably used it.

The bathtub is in no way superior to the toilet. It looks old and used and I wouldn’t get in it for million dollars (of course, if someone was willing to pay me a million bucks for that, I would consider it. At least then I could use the money to get myself a normal shower). The drain part of the tub actually looks like it was used to breed new and dangerous bacteria. And apparently it’s still growing there because the water will not leave the tub. I know normal people call it a clogged drain but it’s so much more than that and I just can’t bring myself to trivialise the bacterial habitat in that particular drain.

So the bathroom needs some updating. At first I was planning to completely redecorate the entire thing in one go but then it turned out that I don’t have enough money. So I just figured I’d do the minimal to make the flat liveable - change the toilet bowl, the bathtub and the sink in the kitchen (which has no faults except for the fact that it’s leaking). I had an agreement with someone who does that kind of thing, but that was discussed while I still thought I had money. When I announced my lack of funds today and asked how much for just the necessary repairs he told me that they don’t do such small things.

Small things? Well, it might be minor work for them but it’s enormous for me. Because practically everything else I can do myself. I can even lay the tiles because, let’s be serious, how difficult can that be? But I honestly don’t believe I can install a shower, at least not a functioning shower. I have heard rumours about people without any proper training installing new toilets but I’m a bit sceptical about that too.

That means I have to start looking for someone who’s willing to trouble themselves with such trivial things as my well-being and saving me from the batch of new and improved bacteria. I stand by my statement - the flat is inhabitable until the toilet and bath have been modernised. And I need it done as quickly as possible because there’s no point in having a flat nobody wants to live in. I need the money I will be getting from my roommate, which I won’t get until the place is normal.

I’m stuck! If you know any good plumbers then send them my way. I really need them. Or if you have plumbing handbooks then I’ll accept those too because, by the way things have been going, I might be forced to install the damn things myself.

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