picture by Jupiter
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Panicking
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Today is the historic day of my first panic attack, brought on by the bankrupcy proceedings. Now, I'm not quite sure it was a panic attack since I don't exactly know what it should feel like. But if it is something where you can't breathe properly and feel the need to kick the culprit really hard then it definitely was a panic attack. The funny/strange/depressing (depending how you look at it) thing is that it happened over something relatively insignificant. I've had much bigger shocks concerning the bankrupcy and survived them with ease. This was just the matter of numbers in a table not matching the numbers on the balance sheet (like that's never happened before) and I totally freaked out. Fortunately nobody was in the office at the time. I'm sure I would've given them quite a scare stomping around mumbling "Must not kick the monitor! 19" screen to expensive to replace! Must not kick myself! Must wait to kick the lawyer responsible for this mess!" After I'd opened the window, stared angrily at a van blocking my view (and scared them into driving away) and breathed the balmy spring air I calmed down somewhat. Trembling, I sat down at the computer again and promised myself that if I freaked out again I would just get my stuff and go home (being alone in the office on a Friday can make responsibility fly out the window). I checked the numbers in the table again - still bigger than the ones on the balance sheet. I carefully turned on the part of my brain that does the thinking (and apparently spends most of the time in the 'off' position) and immediately discovered that one number was calculated with and the other without the taxes. So clearly, I am the idiot who freaks out over nothing! What the incident proves is that I'm in a dire need of a holiday. A long holiday where I don't have to worry about anything work-related. I don't know when it's going to be possible, though. Probably not before the end of June.
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